When I was dumped outside the orphanage, I was able to walk. I had been found in a basket, in the rain, with blood staining my clothes and bedding. The clan I was born into was one feared in the Land of the Moon for its consumption abilities. A veritable army had killed them, but one man couldn't bring himself to kill a 14-month-old, just slaughtered his parents in front of him.
I grew up around other children, some like me who had never met their parents if their memories served them well. When I was five, a childless couple came and told me to my face I was too ugly and creepy looking to be loved. But that didn't screw me up in the slightest, just made me refuse to look like myself for a very long time.
I was born with white curls and red eyes, you see, but my clan can alter how we look. It might be a form of genjutsu. I don't know how it works, nobody ever taught me, I just felt out the ropes for myself. Turning my hair and eyes blue weirded out some of the other kids though.
I entered and passed the academy at a young age, but mostly taught myself these things. After graduation, I was placed in a three man cell with a sadist with two-tone hair and a short ogre of a man. They hated me and once or twice even threw me right into danger. They long-since decided the best course of action with me would be to throw me to the lions to save their own worthless hides. I don't know if either of them are still alive or not. They were the ones who helped me discover my chakra and life force consumption abilities though. As I said, threw me to the enemy. For a laugh, they said with shaky voices afterwards. It had been in self-defense and I had remained horrified and traumatised for the rest of forever. I'd fought three over-pumped muscleheads from the Hidden Sand and turned them into skeletal masses. Yeesh, and they thought their village had demons. No wonder my clan was murdered.
After that, which had been my chunin exams, I ran from Getsugakure, afraid of the person I was. Also I shaved the right side of my head and decided 'hey, that looks cool, I'll keep doing that and pierce my ears until there's no more room for holes'. The douchebag punk look. Hey, I was, like, twelve.
Then I traveled the world, looking for somewhere I could belong. I didn't find it then, I just found lots of girls I could seduce with a little bit of change to looks and approach. I tried not to kill those I took chakra from, and as a plus even obtained ability to use their chakra nature. I once fought someone who could use a mix of ice, water and boil releases. I'd have liked to have taken his chakra.
I kept this up until I hit 18, 19, somewhere around that point. That was when I set foot in Sunagakure. I'd become reliant on the rush of power that came with consuming someone's chakra and life. It had reached the point where I either had to consume powerful chakra or a lot of it to get the rush I craved. I was addicted. It was a morphine and adrenaline all in one, crushing down the circumstances of the past and giving me the rush I needed to surge forth. And I'd been drawn in by the powerful chakra I sensed on my way through the desert.
Only one problem. It belonged to a man.
Controlled absorption, the kind not initiated in a life or death struggle, I'd only learnt to activate through physically reaching inside my target and pulling vital forces out. I usually did so with my tongue, otherwise they might figure something is very suspicious. Even so, for that to work, I had to get way closer. In other words, the reason I turned to seduction tactics was because I could only retrieve the chakra through a French kiss of all the stupid and pathetic things. At least it was always fun to play with these girls.
So I went for the next best thing, a girl whose body had traces of the man's chakra signature. The object of the Kazekage's affections. Hey, really the guy should be thanking me for targeting the girl. If I hadn't, he wouldn't have accepted his feelings, whereas when he confronted me after a month of being teased about being jealous of me, I was able to trick him into confessing.
Heck, I was practically cupid, and they're married now with, what, four kids? See? I helped him by trying to steal that girl's chakra. He didn't have to squish my leg beyond repair.
Oh, and I learnt why people fear the 5th Kazekage that day. He got my left leg in a lock with his sand and crushed it, but let me live. Maybe that was his thanks for helping him tell the girl he liked her, even if I did try and kill her. I managed to stagger to the border between Wind and Fire before collapsing.
When I awoke, I was in a little holiday house with some adult genin of Kumo. Some giant medical nin in a heavy black coat, all muscle and greasy hair, Shai. Great guy, didn't like me much. A dark-skinned hyper kid I barely saw, Seicho. The most gorgeous woman I'd ever seen, Murasakiiro.
They saw me as I looked naturally, which was embarrassing, but they didn't seem to understand why I wanted to change so much.
Murasakiiro even said I was gorgeous as I was. A girl I never had to use chakra on to get her to like me. It was really weird, but then that's why we ended up married. Funny. I never actually thought I'd settle down somewhere. I thought I'd spend my entire life wandering around, being a menace to every society in the world. I liked it that way, actually, but I happily went with this gorgeous girl to Kumo where everything was weird. Actually, Kumogakure was a gorgeous land. If I had to settle somewhere, I'm glad it was there. Still, I hated the idea of settling there.
It was a Monday morning when she made a worrying announcement. I was bored. I'd been bored for a week now as things were being sorted out concerning my checkered past. Then she came bursting into the bedroom, all hot and bothered like she'd just run a marathon.
"Asatsuyu!"
I turned and gave her an indifferent look. "Did something happen? Whatever it was, looks exciting."
"Oh, it's exciting! You'll never believe it!" She ended that sentence with a girlish squeal. I raised an eyebrow, somewhat disgusted by this behaviour.
"Two for one at the higashi place?"
She gave me a blank look before laughing. "You're so silly."
"...Did you get higashi?"
"No, Asatsuyu. I got something more...important."
"Nothing's more important than higashi!" I insisted in a scandalised tone.
"Shut up and listen for a moment."
I obediently shut my trap and gestured for her to continue. She went a little red, embarrassed and shy concerning what was about to happen. What she was about to tell me would be a bombshell that would change my entire life and get me into a whole heap of endless trouble. My ever-continued descent into hell.
"We...I'm...Oh, Asatsuyu! We're going to have a baby!"
I just want it known that pregnant women are terrifying, even if you are a whole ninja rank above them. They demand and whine and scream and run on pure hormonal get it away from me. I used to even hide in the closet for some peace and quiet. Plus side, I discovered a secret room at the back of the closet that led down to the bathroom. That room is important for later.
So I went through seven and a half months of my beloved wife turning into the devil himself, then she went into early labour and went to the midwife without me (I was slowed down by my bad leg, which still had not healed fully. Something about too many bone fragments and now some of them are likely lodged in muscles or nerves or tendons or something stupid like that), and eventually I witnessed the birth of my daughter.
I am not afraid to admit I was horrified to see she had white hair and red eyes like me. Not only am I sure those are both recessive genes, but that likely meant she had my clan abilities. That in turn meant I'd have to teach her to use them and not kill people by accidentally stealing their chakra. I hate responsibility and I've had precious little first-hand contact with little kids. In the orphanage I was mostly kept around kids in my own age range for safety reasons. I was 90% sure I was going to be terrible at this. Still, at least I had the child's mother to work alongside.
Not.
It was, I don't know, three, maybe four months after that that Murasakiiro died.
I awoke in the middle of the night to a strange sound. Strange yet familiar. Like someone hammering into a hunk of meat with a cleaver, accompanied by pained gurgles and grunts. Those of a woman. A woman being murdered and just clinging onto life. A cold ice seized my heart, and barely able to breathe for fear of what I was about to see, I crept out of bed, confirming as I did so that my wife was absent but my daughter still in her cradle. I got to the living room and saw two or three men hacking into her. Her throat, face, stomach, limbs, every single square inch oozing or gushing blood. One eye had already been gouged out. She noticed me with the other, I think. It looked hazy and unseeing. She tried to say something with her last ounce of energy, but the blood in her mouth and throat caused it to come out as an urgent gurgle. I think the essential message was for me to run and take our baby somewhere safe.
Except nowhere would ever really be safe. It turns out these were the same people who slaughtered the rest of my clan, and my exploits around the world had drawn their attention to me. I hated to think how long they'd been tracking me. Panicking, I grabbed the baby roughly from her cradle as the men shouted. They too had noticed me and were now giving chase. I kept thinking this isn't happening, this can't be happening!...But it was. It was happening and it was all too real. I locked myself into the closet, biting my tongue hard to keep from sobbing. Not that it would make any difference. They'd seen me go in there and the baby was now screaming her lungs out. Though I'd killed before, I'd never gotten used to seeing dead bodies, and bloody ones freaked me out. I'd have nightmares for years.
Slowly, I backed my way into the secret room, ensuring I shut the door behind me properly so it was virtually undetectable. The men were trying to break down the first door, and if I wanted to live, I had to keep us both quiet. I desperately tried to shush her, begged her to be silent as the sound of splintering wood and furious screams terrified the both of us. I was crying myself now, the fear that this was my grisly end becoming all too real. I was going to die, I was sure of it, and it was a horrfying and painful thought. They'd torture us both as they did to Murasakiiro, whose only crime was loving me. I...I'd always known I was no good. Creepy, ugly, dangerous monster.
They broke through the first door and I backed away to the ladder leading down to the bathroom closet. I couldn't climb it while carrying an infant, and if I jumped down my right leg was liable to snap. I crouched down and covered my mouth and nose with one hand. My daughter had managed to quiet herself to a whimper, perhaps tired. I heard the men arguing about where I might have gone, heard them searching for a seam, jostling to all fit in the closet, one hitting the hidden door in frustration. I was having to suppress my absorption abilities. If I lost control, I'd kill the baby as well.
Footsteps receded. I was beginning to think I'd gotten away with it, I'd given them the slip, but then someone charged the hidden door, slamming it open. I shrieked and, panicking, tried to charge past him. His colleagues had gone to look elsewhere, it seemed. I shoulder-barged my way past, only the man had already started swinging his weapon - a morning star I think - and it slammed down on my head. I was a head and shoulders shorter than the man, so I guess it wasn't a difficult target. The world pitched sideways and I hit the floor, mind quickly hazing over. Cursing, I tried to get my limbs to move, lift me back up. Every breath I took was accompanied by another swing, another scream of pain. I doubled over, protecting my baby's body with my own at all cost.
Finally, my mind connected to my body and my leg swung out and up, catching the attacker's knee against the doorframe. There was a satisfying crunch and he screamed. This gave me an opening to scramble to my feet (easier said than done, as every movement sent shoots of pure agony through my entire upper body, and every breath made the room pulse in and out of focus) and escape. I paused to grab the morning star and reluctantly bring it down on the man's head. It was self defense, I told myself with a shudder as I staggered to the stairs, only to see shadows moving below. A wave of nausea and dizziness almost brought me to my knees again. Panicking, I went to the living room as quick as I could. The area below that window would have a canopy to catch me and nearby ledges to escape through. I leaped over my wife's body, smashed the window with my foot (getting glass in there in the process, oops) and escaped out, speeding to the edge of the village, out as far as I could until I reached a thin woodland. Here, my legs gave out and I dropped like a sack of potatoes. I had the sense to place my baby girl out of the way before emptying my guts on the grassy floor and succumbing to the dark circles at the edge of my vision that had been threatening to pull me into the sweet embrace of a poor man's sleep.
I must have been out for hours. When I awoke, it was a late afternoon and my daughter was crying. Likely hungry, thirsty or in need of changing. Just sitting up straight was painful enough to almost knock me out again, and my mouth felt dry as cardboard. A few things were clear to me even in my addled state. I needed a doctor and I needed to find a village, and soon. Once more, I forced myself to my feet, making a slow, lurching journey to who knows where.
From that moment on, we were hunted left, right and centre. I was constantly running yet again, only this time with a baby on my back. I raised her with no home, no money and no hope, but still managed to get her to seven years old. I did my best to teach her about the world, but couldn't tell her why we were always moving, why she never had any friends, why she had to comfort her own father after his ever present night terrors...
She was a beautiful girl though. Her hair curled as mine once did, and when she was three I gifted her a ribbon I'd found so she could accessorise. It became a precious thing to us both in time.
When we met Eien-sama, she was about five. He was about 11 years my junior, but had never been so brutally injured as I had. He saved our lives when our hunters located us one day, and offered a home in return for us serving him. A safe place with food and water and warm bedding. With a sad child hanging on my arm, a girl who wanted nothing more than that, I couldn't refuse. I pledged my allegiance to this kid in return for the safety and happiness of my precious daughter. I went on infiltration and espionage missions for him, and then one day, two years later, he needed someone with my clan's abilities to be a body double.
A body double for a seven year old girl from the Hidden Stone. I refused at first, not wanting my precious baby anywhere near danger, but then he threatened to throw us both out...
And insisted she would come to no harm.
Her role would be that of the young, sweet, innocent daughter of the 4th Tsuchikage. A little girl with a dead leg like mine, dark brown ringlet curls and dark eyes. We worked to turn her into the perfect body double before some kid, Touwata or something stupid, took her in the dead of night to make the switch and kidnap the little girl from Iwa. She looked so proud of herself as she left.
A week later, Touwata returned with the struggling little girl of the 4th. Eien-sama started running experiments on her, something about a powerful bloodline limit running in her family. It sounded painful, and I did my best not to hear.
Some time later, I heard the daughter of the 4th had been assassinated. Except it wasn't the 4th's daughter, it was mine. Once again, that grip of ice returned, that inability to breathe for all the emotions filling my chest and crushing my lungs. I never saw her body, but that was just as well. Just hearing the news crushed me, shattered my heart into a million pieces.
With all of them gone, everyone who ever cared, there was no longer a reason to live, apart from maybe revenge. That night, I'd grabbed a sword, I believe it belonged to one of Eien-sama's other underlings. I crept to his room and made my attempt on his life, desperate and angry. I didn't even think to use my clan abilities, I just slashed out wildly. The death of my wife had broken me already, and the death of my daughter pushed me far over the edges of sanity.
This man...this kid had some strange powers himself. He had great speed and strength, and was capable of strengthening his skin to an almost iron material. He could detach limbs and control tendrils of what appeared to be thick, wiry hair. I couldn't defeat him. I was weak.
He pinned my hands to the wall and before I knew it, he was holding a sort of spear. He drove it through my belly and through the wall, pinning me there with a wave of agony. Instantly, I felt chakra surge through. Whatever the hell this spear was, it was keeping me alive, but in pain. At least my body would eventually get used to it. In the meantime, I was coughing up blood, choking on the mashing of my own internal organs. Eien-sama laughed cheerfully.
"Hurts, doesn't it? This is what you get for double-crossing me."
"You...krghled......hurr..." It was so hard to speak.
"Pardon?"
"My...drr...ter..."
"Ah, I see. You're mad at me because your worthless waste of a life child got herself killed on a mission."
I lashed out weakly with one arm. Though I hit, I caused no damage. He laughed again.
"Don't like me saying things like that?" He kicked my knee hard, but I barely registered it over the increasing pain in my gut. Why was it getting worse?! I vomited, the pain overriding every instinct in my mind as I started to scream and cry, empty my bladder and bowels and writhe around, trying to get free. Such attempts only jogged the bar, tearing my flesh. "What we have here is a weapon formed from research into the kekkei genkai of the Kinzokuhaku clan." He explained. My brain vaguely pulled a file, recognising the name as that of Shai, Murasakiiro's former team mate. "It won't hurt forever, just as long as I'm angry. It's linked to my emotions. Anger means pain for those who betray us. Your child died a pointless and pathetic death in her sleep at the hands of a man who sensed something amiss. She deserved what she got, and you deserve what you get. I'll send someone round to care for you and sustain you, though the most you'll be able to eat is a teaspoon of mush."
"P-please..." I managed, trying to beg for my life. He walked off and left me. I wouldn't get a decent conversation for another year, when two experiments escape and free me.
A worthless, pained failure. I spent every waking moment in there wishing I could just die and join my family. My clan was extinct, I had no purpose other than to be this twisted young man's plaything. A decoration. Worse than being hunted. I became one of his experiments.
My name was Asatsuyu. It meant 'morning dew'. I started full of hope and love and excitement for the life that awaited me, and I stand here now, weak and worthless. Yearning for my past and youth to return so I could undo the many mistakes I made. Wish I could hold my beautiful baby girl one last time before I died...
I still hold that ribbon I gave her in my bony hand, held forever in an iron grip, as something unbearably precious to me.
Monday, 24 August 2015
Wednesday, 19 August 2015
Diary of a Dead Man 4
September 19th
Life is weird. You struggle through mountains of pure bullshit and pain with the hope there'll be some reward later on, but either you get more bullshit and pain or the reward isn't good enough. You don't appreciate it or it's taken away, and you end up beyond sick of it.
Physically and emotionally.
The amount of times all this shit has landed me in hospital or under tight lock and key supervision is beyond ridiculous. It's always been the same, ever since I was little. I always just ran into the wrong thing in the wrong way and let it all go to hell. Every five seconds around me, something new goes wrong.
I spent my first week living with my sister staying in the guest bedroom in the Nara compound, not moving from my bed until I was absolutely desperate for a piss and barely eating. Temari would come into the room every so often to leave some food and try and talk to me, or check up on me and tell me off for not touching the food she'd brought. Occasionally, I'd catch my nephew watching through a crack in the door with pity in his eyes.
The week after, I left that room. When Shikamaru came home, I was relaxing in the living room, and he seemed shocked to see me there. He stared at me for a moment, and eventually I broke the silence and greeted him.
Tanto's message in my journal was choppy and somewhat confusing. After he'd fled the Hidden Stone, he met with his girlfriend outside the village, I gathered that much. This girlfriend, Tsuki I think she's called, was a member of Rio's Akatsuki, who planned to resurrect the previous team to use that title. She convinced Tanto to join her. I'd been standing outside the Nara compound with my nephew and Tokageroh, talking. Just talking. I think Shikadai felt I was...delicate. He may have even been told that. He was clearly being very careful about what he said. A pair of chunin passed, escorting two injured ninja who had apparently begged for medical attention.
Tsuki had been slashed across the torso, and both had been battered by falling rocks. Tanto told me he'd failed to use Dust Release, misfiring and effectively destroying one of the Akatsuki bases. Before his death, his great grandfather, Ohnoki, had tried to teach him to control Dust Release. He was way too old though, and Tanto was way too young to sit there and listen to all the ins and outs of a kekkei tota when he barely understood even the simplest pieces on chakra nature. With no-one left to teach him, Tanto remained a novice.
Tokageroh and Shikadai came with me to the hospital, because we were all sure we had seen Tanto-chan. I'd found my eldest student after he had been stabbed in the back and dumped in a river, and it turns out the same attacker had tried to kill Tsuki for the same reason. Apparently a cliche 'knew too much' thing. Tanto barely spoke to me, too bothered with his need to protect this Akatsuki. They needed saving or protecting because this Rio bitch was using them or something stupid like that. Even so, he noticed me, recognised me...stared at me for the longest time. I think he may have been afraid to speak to me. Possibly due to the marks on my body. The mark on my neck had faded from angry red to dull bruises of pale purple and browny-yellow, but it was still there, and my arms were still so covered in scars I was beginning to doubt there was a single bit of clear skin.
When Tanto left to help these children, I sat beside the injured Tsuki.
"So...you're Tanto's girlfriend?"
She gave a slight, almost shy nod. I feel she may have been afraid of me. I'd seen her before and reprimanded a few people talking shit because she was, um, blue. After what happened with Gaara, I got a bit angry with people talking shit because of something a kid like that couldn't help.
"I don't know your name, he never spoke about you. Tokageroh-san told me he'd gone to see you, jaan."
She nodded again. "You're...his father?"
I nodded now.
"He often says you're a very kind man," she began, offering a weak smile. She still seemed to be in pain. "He really loves and respects you...your family sounds...very loving. My uncle pretends I don't exist. I think he's got issues."
I shrugged. For one thing, I had no idea who her uncle was. "Family is always important, but sometimes things go wrong and the result is...trauma." I mused. "If it helps, for as long as you and Tanto are together, you're as good as family."
"The Akatsuki have always been my family."
I offered my hand to the girl, my message clear. She could have a new family now, if she wanted. Tsuki had blue skin, sharp teeth and dark eyes, with slash-like marks on her cheeks and shoulders, kind of like gills maybe. Her hair was to her shoulders on the left side and black, but cut short on the right and dyed magenta. This girl was supposedly a child of previous Akatsuki members, and yeah, I could see it. It was obvious she had a distinct family history, but as I said before...she couldn't help it. It wouldn't be fair to hate her for what happened when I was her age.
Slowly, she took my hand, giving it a comforting squeeze, which I returned.
"You're looked after." I assured her. "You'll always have someone looking out for you, I promise."
Tanto had promised he would return from his battle. Shikadai had gone with him, and they had requested assistance from the Hidden Sand. Gaara's daughter, Kirameki, would join them, I was sure of it.
Tsuki turned to me, giving me the biggest grin I'd ever seen. I almost felt like she might swallow me whole like a shark.
The resemblance was uncanny.
A short while later, a doctor came in to talk, and, not wanting to be alone, she wouldn't let me leave her side. The doctor told her she was pregnant and at first she paled, then went such a shade of red I thought was impossible for a girl of her complexion. My first thought was 'he is underaged'. Unfortunately, he was above the age of consent at 15 years of age, so I couldn't really say he was too young to actually...but...
I am way too young to be a grandfather. I didn't even want to be a father, damn it! When the hell did this happen? All this time I've been terrified over his wellbeing and happiness and all these horrible thoughts have been running around my head, and the fact is, I can't grasp the half of it. This light-hearted entry recapping my son's message to me is...is simply the fact that I can't grasp the horrible things I've been thinking and feeling. At that point, my relief, fear, worry and depression whirled round and round until they evolved into a deep set anger at pretty much everything. I don't remember what I said to Tsuki after that, but eventually I found myself in the halls, trying to breathe. I think I was hyperventilating. It was so confusing. I remember punching the wall and breaking a finger in the midst of this little temper tantrum. Last time I'd had such a tantrum, I'd ended up hanging by my neck. This time I just passed out and when I woke up, Tsuki of all people was at my side.
She told me that while I'd been out, Tanto had returned, alongside the remaining Akatsuki. They had killed this Rio chick, apparently. I approached him and he stared at me with firm form.
"Otou-san, I-"
He was cut off by a hand striking his cheek, his head snapping to the left. His expression was one of shock and dismay, tears already forming in his eyes. I vaguely registered that the one that slapped him was me, but I only guessed that from the sensation in my - for some reason raised - hand.
"What in hell's name is wrong with you?!" I practically shrieked at him. Every word out of my mouth made my heart sink lower still. I felt like I had no control as I spat venom when I should have been welcoming him with a forgiving embrace. "I was worried sick, and you...you run off without even trying to explain yourself! Do you realise how guilty that made you look? You made me think you were a murderer! All the while you run of with a gang of missing-nin and every single day I sit chewing my nails and wringing my hands just waiting for the news that my son, the one with absolutely no training, has been hunted down and killed by the anbu sent out after him! I tried to stop them, but you killed our Tsuchikage and ran! Not like I'd have loved to have killed Sukochi's uncle myself, but he's the Tsuchikage! And so soon after your sister...!" I paused, choking up at the thought of Kichona. Tanto turned to look at me fully, hand resting gently on his sore cheek. I realised quickly he wasn't looking at my face, but my neck. "You...you...! And now I hear my 15-year-old son...Tsuki! Tsuki's fucking pregnant! God, while you were on the run you could at least have kept it in your fucking pants, couldn't you?! Tanto, I just can't fathom-!" I choked again upon feeling his hand on my neck, fingers running over the bruises, just as Gaara's had done before.
"Tou-chan...please tell me you didn't..." His voice was shaking. In shock, I just stared straight ahead. I didn't want him to see this or talk about this. "Not again...why do you do this whenever things go wrong?" He didn't raise his voice. That was the worst of it. He didn't sound angry, just sad...horrified...and disappointed. So disappointed in me. So ashamed.
So ashamed.
I only realised I'd started to cry when he pulled me into a hug. He was pretty short compared to me still, and my hands were in his hair, my own tears falling amongst those locks. He cried too.
"I remember what you did when kaa-san died, eight years ago. You passed out when I got to the bathroom door. Aunt Temari tried to shield me from seeing, tried to get me to...to get the doctor...she was panicking, and so was I. You were on the floor, not responding to anything, there was blood everywhere..."
"Shh...please...don't..." I was begging him not to talk about it.
"After the doctor treated you, I wasn't allowed to see you. Usotsuki-san said Kichona-chan and I needed to be seen by a doctor too. It was over a week before I saw you again, and you were bedridden. You promised never to hurt yourself again, but it wasn't long after Aunt Temari left that you broke that promise. Shortly after Shi-sama said you were unfit for duty."
"Tanto...shut up..."
"You promised...but you broke that promise! You keep breaking that promise!" He pulled away then, fixing me with a tearful glare. "How can you keep breaking that promise? You reprimand me like this when at least I keep my promises, but you carry on the same every time! Was there ever even a single time your arm wasn't bleeding? Was there ever a time you were fucking stable? I knew you'd do something like this again but I couldn't prepare myself ever for when! Why can't you just stop?! If you can't stop, then stop making promises you can't keep! You're unfit! An unfit shinobi, an unfit sensei and an unfit fath-!"
I hit him again. I didn't want to hear it. I was blocking it all out like a spoiled brat plugging his ears when being scolded. "Shut up shut up shut up!" I screamed. "You don't understand anything! Nothing in this world will ever go as planned, Tanto, you just have to accept that!"
He just shook his head, wiping the tears from his eyes. I couldn't work out what he was saying. It all just came out in strange squeaking. I stood there with him a moment before walking off. I had many parting words in my head, but I didn't say anything. My throat was too tight. I felt if I opened my mouth all that would escape would be sobs and wails.
Later, Tanto went into my bag and found this journal. He blamed himself for my current fucked up mental state and that's pretty much my own fault.
November 28th
Sukochi is dead.
Temari and Shikamaru accompanied me back to the Hidden Stone. I wished to pick up anything of Tanto's and Tokageroh's left behind, and maybe even pick up some baby items for use with my grandchildren. I still can't quite grasp that I have grandchildren on the way. We also stopped off to pay our respects at Tsuchi-chan and Kichona-chan's grave. As we did that, Shikadai wandered about. Apparently he's deeply unnerved by grave sites. He found Sukochi while wandering, and I guess he must have blamed the little thief for a lot of this family's shortcomings.
Shi-sama and his nephew both died at the hands of children of my family. I was friends with Sukochi's mother, but I think now she'll likely hate me. Just like many others in Iwagakure.
I wonder if Tanto is aware of all the nasty looks and whispers I get here? It's no secret that I'm unstable, unfortunately. I've never felt welcome in Iwa, just very alone.
Always alone.
While I was away, my friend Hiro's youngest brother was named the 6th Tsuchikage. When we arrived at the grave site, Hiro himself was digging into one of the graves and pulling out a coffin.
"What the hell is he doing?" Temari asked in a hushed voice. Of all the graves in the yard, he was pulling out and preparing to transport that of my seven-year-old daughter.
"Hey!" It was Shikamaru who called out. I'd sort of resigned myself to silence after the journey here. I'd tried to apologise to Tanto. He'd called me psycho. Well, he said he forgave me for being a psycho, but it still hurt like hell.
Hiro turned and went a little red, as though he were a schoolboy caught in the presence of a pretty girl. "Kankurou-dono...Temari-san, Tanto-chan...hi..."
"Hi?" My brother-in-law repeated, keeping his voice even. "What do you think you're doing?"
"Hunh?" He looked back to the coffin as though just remembering it was there. "Yu-tsuchikage-sama's orders. Concerning the girl found in Sunagakure."
"What girl?" I asked before I could stop myself. Hiro gave me an almost pitying look.
"Kazekage-sama found her...did he not tell you?"
He continued to give him blank looks.
"Oh, well, um, if it's an oversight on Yuudai-chan's part, please excuse him. He's only 19, and he's only been in office for a few days now. A girl was found in the Sand. Surrounded by deceased men of some strange organisation, or near deceased. They'd been killed with the Lava Release kekkei genkai, everyone's sure of it. She said her name was Kamizuru Kichona...and basic tests performed by the Sand confirmed her claims, so we've been asked to confirm this body is in fact that of Kichona-chan...DNA tests weren't performed on the body within before burial and...um...we're living in hope that the fourth's daughter might still be alive..."
A grip of iron began constricting my arm, and I was just as tense. If there was any hope whatsoever, this would be an absolute godsend. My precious, precious baby girl...
"We need to talk to Gaara." I managed. Sunagakure was roughly a week's journey away, but I was desperate to figure this out.
Especially when the body found buried was confirmed to be a girl from a clan we'd encountered long, long ago.
November 30th
Background. Okay, it's kind of needed.
A long while back, this guy named Asatsuyu came to the village. He came from this weird clan that steals chakra and seduces victims and changes hair and eye colours and a few other physical features. Asatsuyu came to the Sand to find powerful chakra, and mistakenly picked up on that of Gaara and linked it to Matsuri. He tried to seduce her and everyone thought Gaara was just jealous. I still think that's all it was, it was just pure luck that the guy actually was evil. Anyway, long story short, shape changer got his butt kicked and Matsuri became my sister-in-law.
I'm getting ready to set off for the Sand now. It's been confirmed that this girl in Kichona's place was in fact a member of that clan. Possibly even a descendant of Asatsuyu himself. Good. He was a dick and my daughter is still alive.
I think.
I hope.
December 13th
Through the journey I barely slept and barely ate. I was warned the whole way that if I didn't take it easy I'd end up collapsing. Guess what happened first thing I stepped foot in Suna?
I am so fucking pathetic. Tanto made sure to remind me of that fact. When I awoke from my momentary faint, Gaara had joined our side and Temari was already reprimanding him for not telling us such important news. True to Temari's rage, something I had seen many times before ('of all the things I needed to know, crippling debt and being half a year behind on rent was pretty fucking high, Kankuro'), Gaara could barely get a word in edgewise. I didn't pay attention to the words. I was hanging onto my son's hand so tight his fingers were turning purple. He was returning the favour. We were both anxious, and my chest and throat were so tight I could barely breathe.
"...Kankurou...Kankurou!"
"Yeah?" I snapped to attention, realising my ototo had been addressing me.
"...Did you hear anything I just said?"
"Um..."
"It's in regards to Kichona. She certainly appears to be...herself, if subdued after what she has experienced. She's been clinging to Matsuri all week..." There was a ghost of a smile there. My kids had always preferred Aunt Matsuri to Uncle Gaara (however there was no-one Kichona loved more than her Aunt Temari). "Her right eye is missing. We've done our best for other injuries, and so otherwise she doesn't look too bad but for a few bandaged wounds. Her hair has been cut. It was badly singed."
I nodded, and before I could stop myself, I spoke in a sad voice. "She'll be eight now. She missed her birthday." She had 'died' in April. Her birthday is in May, like mine.
"Maybe you could let her play with Karasu as a gift." I think my ototo just teased me, but all I got was a sinking feeling of guilt as I realised I'd destroyed that puppet months back.
When we entered the room, Kichona squealed and ran to me. She went to hug me at the waist, but I pulled her into the air and held her close. Just as Gaara had said, she had bandages on her hands, knees, right eye and over the bridge of her nose.
"Tou-chan!" She cried. She too was crying. I just held her in silence. I couldn't say anything. My throat was tight and I was crying. Uncontrollable tears and sobs. Words can't explain such a sensation. It felt like every organ in my body had frozen or been crushed, and all I wanted was to stand there, hugging my precious baby girl for an eternity.
"Tou-chan, you're squeezing too tight..."
It was weird to hear her speaking so normally. She was just about managing to say 'chan' instead of 'tan', but it was still far more normal and adult than before.
After a moment, I managed to find my voice. "I'm...I'm sorry...I love you..." It came out incredibly strangled.
"I love you too. It was so scary...they said they wanted my blood!" She was crying almost as heavily as I was, face buried into my shoulder. "My...tou-chan?"
"What? What is it?"
"What's a bloodline limit?"
They wanted her for either the lava release or magnet release. I'd seen her use both without her realising it.
It was then that I realised I'd given up my chance of living a quiet life long before I'd thought of it. My children hold strong bloodline limits, and someone was starting to come after them. I'm too weak to protect my family and I know it. I found my eyes drifting to those behind me. Temari and Shikamaru, my son, able to rally others to his side and take on experienced killers, my nephew, able to take on and kill experienced killers alone, my brother, the Kazekage, and his family...but I didn't want to rely on them. I wanted to be strong.
Well, my Kichona had the same idea. She wanted to train. We took her to the flat in Iwa so she could gather her things, and she found the remains of Karasu. She managed to convince Tanto to fix them. Meanwhile, with fear in every fibre of my being, I've gone back to teaching self defense and assault skills to the children who need my tutoring.
Shosan, I don't know what to do. I'm scared. I hate to admit it, but I've got my family back, and they're in serious danger right now. They're being stalked by a dark shadow and this time I have no idea what I'm up against. This time I might lose them for real, and I'm still too weak.
Please, someone, protect them. I don't care what happens to me or you or anyone other than my family. I just want them safe. I promise this time I won't do anything wrong ever again. I'll keep the promise this time. I promise. I swear it on my mother's grave, I'll be good as long as they're protected.
I promise! So please!
Life is weird. You struggle through mountains of pure bullshit and pain with the hope there'll be some reward later on, but either you get more bullshit and pain or the reward isn't good enough. You don't appreciate it or it's taken away, and you end up beyond sick of it.
Physically and emotionally.
The amount of times all this shit has landed me in hospital or under tight lock and key supervision is beyond ridiculous. It's always been the same, ever since I was little. I always just ran into the wrong thing in the wrong way and let it all go to hell. Every five seconds around me, something new goes wrong.
I spent my first week living with my sister staying in the guest bedroom in the Nara compound, not moving from my bed until I was absolutely desperate for a piss and barely eating. Temari would come into the room every so often to leave some food and try and talk to me, or check up on me and tell me off for not touching the food she'd brought. Occasionally, I'd catch my nephew watching through a crack in the door with pity in his eyes.
The week after, I left that room. When Shikamaru came home, I was relaxing in the living room, and he seemed shocked to see me there. He stared at me for a moment, and eventually I broke the silence and greeted him.
Tanto's message in my journal was choppy and somewhat confusing. After he'd fled the Hidden Stone, he met with his girlfriend outside the village, I gathered that much. This girlfriend, Tsuki I think she's called, was a member of Rio's Akatsuki, who planned to resurrect the previous team to use that title. She convinced Tanto to join her. I'd been standing outside the Nara compound with my nephew and Tokageroh, talking. Just talking. I think Shikadai felt I was...delicate. He may have even been told that. He was clearly being very careful about what he said. A pair of chunin passed, escorting two injured ninja who had apparently begged for medical attention.
Tsuki had been slashed across the torso, and both had been battered by falling rocks. Tanto told me he'd failed to use Dust Release, misfiring and effectively destroying one of the Akatsuki bases. Before his death, his great grandfather, Ohnoki, had tried to teach him to control Dust Release. He was way too old though, and Tanto was way too young to sit there and listen to all the ins and outs of a kekkei tota when he barely understood even the simplest pieces on chakra nature. With no-one left to teach him, Tanto remained a novice.
Tokageroh and Shikadai came with me to the hospital, because we were all sure we had seen Tanto-chan. I'd found my eldest student after he had been stabbed in the back and dumped in a river, and it turns out the same attacker had tried to kill Tsuki for the same reason. Apparently a cliche 'knew too much' thing. Tanto barely spoke to me, too bothered with his need to protect this Akatsuki. They needed saving or protecting because this Rio bitch was using them or something stupid like that. Even so, he noticed me, recognised me...stared at me for the longest time. I think he may have been afraid to speak to me. Possibly due to the marks on my body. The mark on my neck had faded from angry red to dull bruises of pale purple and browny-yellow, but it was still there, and my arms were still so covered in scars I was beginning to doubt there was a single bit of clear skin.
When Tanto left to help these children, I sat beside the injured Tsuki.
"So...you're Tanto's girlfriend?"
She gave a slight, almost shy nod. I feel she may have been afraid of me. I'd seen her before and reprimanded a few people talking shit because she was, um, blue. After what happened with Gaara, I got a bit angry with people talking shit because of something a kid like that couldn't help.
"I don't know your name, he never spoke about you. Tokageroh-san told me he'd gone to see you, jaan."
She nodded again. "You're...his father?"
I nodded now.
"He often says you're a very kind man," she began, offering a weak smile. She still seemed to be in pain. "He really loves and respects you...your family sounds...very loving. My uncle pretends I don't exist. I think he's got issues."
I shrugged. For one thing, I had no idea who her uncle was. "Family is always important, but sometimes things go wrong and the result is...trauma." I mused. "If it helps, for as long as you and Tanto are together, you're as good as family."
"The Akatsuki have always been my family."
I offered my hand to the girl, my message clear. She could have a new family now, if she wanted. Tsuki had blue skin, sharp teeth and dark eyes, with slash-like marks on her cheeks and shoulders, kind of like gills maybe. Her hair was to her shoulders on the left side and black, but cut short on the right and dyed magenta. This girl was supposedly a child of previous Akatsuki members, and yeah, I could see it. It was obvious she had a distinct family history, but as I said before...she couldn't help it. It wouldn't be fair to hate her for what happened when I was her age.
Slowly, she took my hand, giving it a comforting squeeze, which I returned.
"You're looked after." I assured her. "You'll always have someone looking out for you, I promise."
Tanto had promised he would return from his battle. Shikadai had gone with him, and they had requested assistance from the Hidden Sand. Gaara's daughter, Kirameki, would join them, I was sure of it.
Tsuki turned to me, giving me the biggest grin I'd ever seen. I almost felt like she might swallow me whole like a shark.
The resemblance was uncanny.
A short while later, a doctor came in to talk, and, not wanting to be alone, she wouldn't let me leave her side. The doctor told her she was pregnant and at first she paled, then went such a shade of red I thought was impossible for a girl of her complexion. My first thought was 'he is underaged'. Unfortunately, he was above the age of consent at 15 years of age, so I couldn't really say he was too young to actually...but...
I am way too young to be a grandfather. I didn't even want to be a father, damn it! When the hell did this happen? All this time I've been terrified over his wellbeing and happiness and all these horrible thoughts have been running around my head, and the fact is, I can't grasp the half of it. This light-hearted entry recapping my son's message to me is...is simply the fact that I can't grasp the horrible things I've been thinking and feeling. At that point, my relief, fear, worry and depression whirled round and round until they evolved into a deep set anger at pretty much everything. I don't remember what I said to Tsuki after that, but eventually I found myself in the halls, trying to breathe. I think I was hyperventilating. It was so confusing. I remember punching the wall and breaking a finger in the midst of this little temper tantrum. Last time I'd had such a tantrum, I'd ended up hanging by my neck. This time I just passed out and when I woke up, Tsuki of all people was at my side.
She told me that while I'd been out, Tanto had returned, alongside the remaining Akatsuki. They had killed this Rio chick, apparently. I approached him and he stared at me with firm form.
"Otou-san, I-"
He was cut off by a hand striking his cheek, his head snapping to the left. His expression was one of shock and dismay, tears already forming in his eyes. I vaguely registered that the one that slapped him was me, but I only guessed that from the sensation in my - for some reason raised - hand.
"What in hell's name is wrong with you?!" I practically shrieked at him. Every word out of my mouth made my heart sink lower still. I felt like I had no control as I spat venom when I should have been welcoming him with a forgiving embrace. "I was worried sick, and you...you run off without even trying to explain yourself! Do you realise how guilty that made you look? You made me think you were a murderer! All the while you run of with a gang of missing-nin and every single day I sit chewing my nails and wringing my hands just waiting for the news that my son, the one with absolutely no training, has been hunted down and killed by the anbu sent out after him! I tried to stop them, but you killed our Tsuchikage and ran! Not like I'd have loved to have killed Sukochi's uncle myself, but he's the Tsuchikage! And so soon after your sister...!" I paused, choking up at the thought of Kichona. Tanto turned to look at me fully, hand resting gently on his sore cheek. I realised quickly he wasn't looking at my face, but my neck. "You...you...! And now I hear my 15-year-old son...Tsuki! Tsuki's fucking pregnant! God, while you were on the run you could at least have kept it in your fucking pants, couldn't you?! Tanto, I just can't fathom-!" I choked again upon feeling his hand on my neck, fingers running over the bruises, just as Gaara's had done before.
"Tou-chan...please tell me you didn't..." His voice was shaking. In shock, I just stared straight ahead. I didn't want him to see this or talk about this. "Not again...why do you do this whenever things go wrong?" He didn't raise his voice. That was the worst of it. He didn't sound angry, just sad...horrified...and disappointed. So disappointed in me. So ashamed.
So ashamed.
I only realised I'd started to cry when he pulled me into a hug. He was pretty short compared to me still, and my hands were in his hair, my own tears falling amongst those locks. He cried too.
"I remember what you did when kaa-san died, eight years ago. You passed out when I got to the bathroom door. Aunt Temari tried to shield me from seeing, tried to get me to...to get the doctor...she was panicking, and so was I. You were on the floor, not responding to anything, there was blood everywhere..."
"Shh...please...don't..." I was begging him not to talk about it.
"After the doctor treated you, I wasn't allowed to see you. Usotsuki-san said Kichona-chan and I needed to be seen by a doctor too. It was over a week before I saw you again, and you were bedridden. You promised never to hurt yourself again, but it wasn't long after Aunt Temari left that you broke that promise. Shortly after Shi-sama said you were unfit for duty."
"Tanto...shut up..."
"You promised...but you broke that promise! You keep breaking that promise!" He pulled away then, fixing me with a tearful glare. "How can you keep breaking that promise? You reprimand me like this when at least I keep my promises, but you carry on the same every time! Was there ever even a single time your arm wasn't bleeding? Was there ever a time you were fucking stable? I knew you'd do something like this again but I couldn't prepare myself ever for when! Why can't you just stop?! If you can't stop, then stop making promises you can't keep! You're unfit! An unfit shinobi, an unfit sensei and an unfit fath-!"
I hit him again. I didn't want to hear it. I was blocking it all out like a spoiled brat plugging his ears when being scolded. "Shut up shut up shut up!" I screamed. "You don't understand anything! Nothing in this world will ever go as planned, Tanto, you just have to accept that!"
He just shook his head, wiping the tears from his eyes. I couldn't work out what he was saying. It all just came out in strange squeaking. I stood there with him a moment before walking off. I had many parting words in my head, but I didn't say anything. My throat was too tight. I felt if I opened my mouth all that would escape would be sobs and wails.
Later, Tanto went into my bag and found this journal. He blamed himself for my current fucked up mental state and that's pretty much my own fault.
November 28th
Sukochi is dead.
Temari and Shikamaru accompanied me back to the Hidden Stone. I wished to pick up anything of Tanto's and Tokageroh's left behind, and maybe even pick up some baby items for use with my grandchildren. I still can't quite grasp that I have grandchildren on the way. We also stopped off to pay our respects at Tsuchi-chan and Kichona-chan's grave. As we did that, Shikadai wandered about. Apparently he's deeply unnerved by grave sites. He found Sukochi while wandering, and I guess he must have blamed the little thief for a lot of this family's shortcomings.
Shi-sama and his nephew both died at the hands of children of my family. I was friends with Sukochi's mother, but I think now she'll likely hate me. Just like many others in Iwagakure.
I wonder if Tanto is aware of all the nasty looks and whispers I get here? It's no secret that I'm unstable, unfortunately. I've never felt welcome in Iwa, just very alone.
Always alone.
While I was away, my friend Hiro's youngest brother was named the 6th Tsuchikage. When we arrived at the grave site, Hiro himself was digging into one of the graves and pulling out a coffin.
"What the hell is he doing?" Temari asked in a hushed voice. Of all the graves in the yard, he was pulling out and preparing to transport that of my seven-year-old daughter.
"Hey!" It was Shikamaru who called out. I'd sort of resigned myself to silence after the journey here. I'd tried to apologise to Tanto. He'd called me psycho. Well, he said he forgave me for being a psycho, but it still hurt like hell.
Hiro turned and went a little red, as though he were a schoolboy caught in the presence of a pretty girl. "Kankurou-dono...Temari-san, Tanto-chan...hi..."
"Hi?" My brother-in-law repeated, keeping his voice even. "What do you think you're doing?"
"Hunh?" He looked back to the coffin as though just remembering it was there. "Yu-tsuchikage-sama's orders. Concerning the girl found in Sunagakure."
"What girl?" I asked before I could stop myself. Hiro gave me an almost pitying look.
"Kazekage-sama found her...did he not tell you?"
He continued to give him blank looks.
"Oh, well, um, if it's an oversight on Yuudai-chan's part, please excuse him. He's only 19, and he's only been in office for a few days now. A girl was found in the Sand. Surrounded by deceased men of some strange organisation, or near deceased. They'd been killed with the Lava Release kekkei genkai, everyone's sure of it. She said her name was Kamizuru Kichona...and basic tests performed by the Sand confirmed her claims, so we've been asked to confirm this body is in fact that of Kichona-chan...DNA tests weren't performed on the body within before burial and...um...we're living in hope that the fourth's daughter might still be alive..."
A grip of iron began constricting my arm, and I was just as tense. If there was any hope whatsoever, this would be an absolute godsend. My precious, precious baby girl...
"We need to talk to Gaara." I managed. Sunagakure was roughly a week's journey away, but I was desperate to figure this out.
Especially when the body found buried was confirmed to be a girl from a clan we'd encountered long, long ago.
November 30th
Background. Okay, it's kind of needed.
A long while back, this guy named Asatsuyu came to the village. He came from this weird clan that steals chakra and seduces victims and changes hair and eye colours and a few other physical features. Asatsuyu came to the Sand to find powerful chakra, and mistakenly picked up on that of Gaara and linked it to Matsuri. He tried to seduce her and everyone thought Gaara was just jealous. I still think that's all it was, it was just pure luck that the guy actually was evil. Anyway, long story short, shape changer got his butt kicked and Matsuri became my sister-in-law.
I'm getting ready to set off for the Sand now. It's been confirmed that this girl in Kichona's place was in fact a member of that clan. Possibly even a descendant of Asatsuyu himself. Good. He was a dick and my daughter is still alive.
I think.
I hope.
December 13th
Through the journey I barely slept and barely ate. I was warned the whole way that if I didn't take it easy I'd end up collapsing. Guess what happened first thing I stepped foot in Suna?
I am so fucking pathetic. Tanto made sure to remind me of that fact. When I awoke from my momentary faint, Gaara had joined our side and Temari was already reprimanding him for not telling us such important news. True to Temari's rage, something I had seen many times before ('of all the things I needed to know, crippling debt and being half a year behind on rent was pretty fucking high, Kankuro'), Gaara could barely get a word in edgewise. I didn't pay attention to the words. I was hanging onto my son's hand so tight his fingers were turning purple. He was returning the favour. We were both anxious, and my chest and throat were so tight I could barely breathe.
"...Kankurou...Kankurou!"
"Yeah?" I snapped to attention, realising my ototo had been addressing me.
"...Did you hear anything I just said?"
"Um..."
"It's in regards to Kichona. She certainly appears to be...herself, if subdued after what she has experienced. She's been clinging to Matsuri all week..." There was a ghost of a smile there. My kids had always preferred Aunt Matsuri to Uncle Gaara (however there was no-one Kichona loved more than her Aunt Temari). "Her right eye is missing. We've done our best for other injuries, and so otherwise she doesn't look too bad but for a few bandaged wounds. Her hair has been cut. It was badly singed."
I nodded, and before I could stop myself, I spoke in a sad voice. "She'll be eight now. She missed her birthday." She had 'died' in April. Her birthday is in May, like mine.
"Maybe you could let her play with Karasu as a gift." I think my ototo just teased me, but all I got was a sinking feeling of guilt as I realised I'd destroyed that puppet months back.
When we entered the room, Kichona squealed and ran to me. She went to hug me at the waist, but I pulled her into the air and held her close. Just as Gaara had said, she had bandages on her hands, knees, right eye and over the bridge of her nose.
"Tou-chan!" She cried. She too was crying. I just held her in silence. I couldn't say anything. My throat was tight and I was crying. Uncontrollable tears and sobs. Words can't explain such a sensation. It felt like every organ in my body had frozen or been crushed, and all I wanted was to stand there, hugging my precious baby girl for an eternity.
"Tou-chan, you're squeezing too tight..."
It was weird to hear her speaking so normally. She was just about managing to say 'chan' instead of 'tan', but it was still far more normal and adult than before.
After a moment, I managed to find my voice. "I'm...I'm sorry...I love you..." It came out incredibly strangled.
"I love you too. It was so scary...they said they wanted my blood!" She was crying almost as heavily as I was, face buried into my shoulder. "My...tou-chan?"
"What? What is it?"
"What's a bloodline limit?"
They wanted her for either the lava release or magnet release. I'd seen her use both without her realising it.
It was then that I realised I'd given up my chance of living a quiet life long before I'd thought of it. My children hold strong bloodline limits, and someone was starting to come after them. I'm too weak to protect my family and I know it. I found my eyes drifting to those behind me. Temari and Shikamaru, my son, able to rally others to his side and take on experienced killers, my nephew, able to take on and kill experienced killers alone, my brother, the Kazekage, and his family...but I didn't want to rely on them. I wanted to be strong.
Well, my Kichona had the same idea. She wanted to train. We took her to the flat in Iwa so she could gather her things, and she found the remains of Karasu. She managed to convince Tanto to fix them. Meanwhile, with fear in every fibre of my being, I've gone back to teaching self defense and assault skills to the children who need my tutoring.
Shosan, I don't know what to do. I'm scared. I hate to admit it, but I've got my family back, and they're in serious danger right now. They're being stalked by a dark shadow and this time I have no idea what I'm up against. This time I might lose them for real, and I'm still too weak.
Please, someone, protect them. I don't care what happens to me or you or anyone other than my family. I just want them safe. I promise this time I won't do anything wrong ever again. I'll keep the promise this time. I promise. I swear it on my mother's grave, I'll be good as long as they're protected.
I promise! So please!
Saturday, 15 August 2015
Untitled KanKuro/Sandsibs Story
Politics were annoying things, the siblings decided on the eldest child's wedding day. What should have been the happiest day of her life was made far more stressful than usual by politics that had no place in the wedding of a village leader's sister and the adviser of another village leader. It stressed the bride out, which in turn stressed her brothers beyond breaking point. Nobody wanted their wedding ruled by what was best for a village they would no longer live in, after all. But there it was, the dreadful truth that the councils of the hidden villages were damn near obsessed with muscling in on the lives of their most prominent villagers and people who by all rights should have been in charge.
Basically, the council and their insistence in being part of the weddings of the Kazekage and his elder sister pretty much ruined everything, thus it was with a heavy heart and with much discussing with his fiancee that Kankurou made the decision that his own wedding should be kept as small and secret as possible.
Kurotsuchi had no objection. She had no wish to turn her wedding into a peace treaty between the Stone and Sand, especially since she wanted to be wed at least before she took on the mantle of Tsuchikage. It was important to her to marry before certain factors made it more difficult. Before she gained too much weight to wear that peach kimono she had deemed absolutely perfect, before it became harder for her and her fiance to travel to see one another, before hostilities between her father and her fiance got even worse and before Kankurou could have any second thoughts. So, over the past few weeks leading up to a meeting between the Kazekage and Tsuchikage, they had made their plans. It was a quick thing, tragically, but the entire thing was essentially rather urgent.
The journey between Suna and Iwa was roughly a week long. Both sides had informed a small party of their plans, and those who knew had willingly sworn secrecy. The warm day was punctuated by a biting wind, sand stinging the eyes of Suna's delegation. That morning, Kankurou found himself unceremoniously bundled into a palanquin while no-one was looking, to be joined shortly by his younger brother. The journey seemed slow and arduous, and for the longest time he sat in silence, barely acknowledging his brother's presence, not for the sake of snubbing or for need to be rude, but more due to nerves. When in a good mood, Kankurou was the kind that could talk your ears off until the cows came home, provided there was enough to talk about (and believe you me, there was plenty he had to say there and then), and even in a bad mood he could talk. Quiet, submissive behaviour was deeply unbecoming of him, and while it concerned Gaara, the younger brother was able to recognise a need for quiet reflection and thought, and so left him until he was ready to talk.
After a few hours, however, he was somewhat certain his elder brother had fallen asleep. Finally, he was unable to stand the silence much longer and gave the puppeteer a sharp prod in the side. He awoke with a jolt and stared ahead for a moment, trying to get ahold of where he was in his head.
"Gaara?" He asked, glancing to the other man in confusion.
"I'm sorry if I woke you."
"No, no, it's fine." He stretched out and offered a smile. "What's up?"
Was that an inquiry as to how Gaara was feeling? It was Kankurou who was starting to feel stress and strain over what was to come, so surely it should have been the other way around.
"We'll be leaving the desert soon, and then we'll have something to eat. How are you feeling?"
"Fine." He answered simply before turning his attention to the window. The curtains were drawn, so he couldn't see a thing, but something about those light purple drapes seemed to be absolutely fascinating.
"I told Matsuri. It's a shame we couldn't have others present."
"Yeah, though your screaming kid and my beloved nephew aren't my idea of paradise."
"Nothing's perfect, but family is family."
"Yeah..." Kankurou found his thoughts flitting from one worry right on to another. Weddings, family, Sunagakure...
He didn't want to leave the people he cared for most, but at the same time he was weighted with responsibilities and the fact that he was moving along the path of adult life like an average person did. This was how life went, wasn't it? Grow up, get an education, get a god damned job, meet a nice girl, get married, have a few babies, watch them grow up, get an education...it wasn't really what he wanted. He'd wanted a different life, but then he'd also wanted to be trained by Chiyo and to have been the perfect big brother to a vaguely normal younger brother, but that didn't happen either. And hell, he'd been the one to initiate this. When he'd gone to meet his nephew, Temari had teased him about something along those lines, seeing as his relationship with Kurotsuchi had likely been the longest he'd ever undergone. And it still would be. She'd probably tease him even more when their first born arrived. He'd distinctly said he planned to never ever have children after Shikadai had vomited on his best shirt. Still, a little teasing from his siblings was something he generally viewed as a good thing. The more normal they became, the more he could bond with them, and the more he could bond with them, the more he treasured his time with his family. Not that he'd ever stopped treasuring such time. Even when moments grew awkward in that small palanquin half-stuffed with his own belongings, ready for transfer to his new life, he was happy to spend his time with his precious younger brother.
The days passed in similar ways to each other. It was dark when Gaara found himself finally able to pick into his brother's more troubled mindset. It started with a simple comment.
"Next time we stop for food, perhaps you should cook." He mused, glancing to Kankurou, whose attentions were still focused on the curtains. Even so, the older man gave a snort of laughter.
"Who in hell's name told Yaoki he could cook? He makes the simplest things taste like pure crap."
"I don't think we should say this when he's around."
"Well, he's got to know somehow." He shrugged, smiling to himself as Gaara continued.
"You realise once this is done you'll be forced to make the best dishes you can every night."
"Oh yeah. She'll come home and complain she's sore and tired and," for the next part, he put on a falsetto voice, clearly a mockery of his fiancee. "Being Tsuchikage is so hard to adapt to, so much work to do." The men allowed themselves a chuckle before he continued. "And I'll go along with it like a loyal slave."
"It won't be that bad."
"You say that because you can't do household work."
Gaara's shoulders twitched in what may have been a shrug.
"Is this...?" Kankurou began before shaking his head, looking back to the curtain and resting his arm against the window sill.
There was a long silence before the Kazekage addressed his brother. "You're having cold feet."
"It's not that, it's just...I don't want to move away, but she's got a duty to her entire village now. I'm going to be at least a week away from pretty much everyone I know now, and that's just going to suck. Plus you and I both know my father-in-law isn't all that fond of me and...everything's going to change so completely, huh?" During this time, he began to wring his hands with nervous vigor, some of the joints cracking audibly.
Another dismissive shoulder twitch was the immediate response as Gaara took in his brother's expressions and the tension keeping him upright. "It isn't like we'll never see one another again." He pointed out, trying to think of the best way to waylay his brother's...concerns. "There's only one person left to talk this over with and that's you. Temari spoke to Kurotsuchi on the matter. We've both been aware that we'll be far apart for a very long time, but even if small visits are impossible, special occasions call for a family to be together. The 19th of January, 15th of May and 23rd of August are just some of these. And beyond that, if a person is worth being with, a journey would be worth taking. Clearly, this person is worth this journey. You're willing to go this far for this woman, which tells me she is worth the effort in your eyes, and if roles were reversed she would do the same for you. You're not sure what you want from life or what you're seeking, but like everyone else, you're seeking happiness. If anything, this venture will bring you happiness. I do not believe you are making a mistake."
Kankurou stared at his younger brother evenly for a moment before smirking. "I thought Temari hated 'Tsuchi."
"She's just protective of her little brother."
"She should know I don't need her looking after me."
"You appreciate it though."
"More than she'll ever be allowed to know." He joked. He rested his hands on his knees, notably calmer. Still, the tension in his joints remained painfully obvious.
"What else is troubling you?" Gaara asked, reaching uncertainly to place a hand on Kankurou's shoulder.
"Nothing." Came the dull and somewhat embarrassed response. The younger brother's eyes never left the elder, aware it wasn't true. "Look, it's just something stupid, it's not even worth worrying about."
"You seem rather concerned about it."
"I just started thinking about...the future."
"I don't understand." Gaara admitted rather quickly. The puppeteer somewhat suspected he'd barely given it any thought. He was also sure he didn't want to expand. Gaara would ask where the sudden thought about kids had come from (as that was what he was thinking of) and he really didn't want to talk about his pregnant soon-to-be-wife. Nor did he want his little brother to so much as think that was the reason he was marrying her. After a moment trapped within these thoughts, he realised he was wringing his hands again, but made no effort to stop. The fact was, he hated little kids and as far as he could see, his prospects as a decent father were low. Plus, if Kurotsuchi had to run Iwagakure, he was somewhat aware he'd end up being labeled primary caregiver and if that were to be the case the kid would be as good as fucked.
Suddenly, the Kazekage addressed him again. "When you say future, you mean what comes after marriage?" He asked, awaiting his brother's slight and tense nod before continuing. "Children?" Another nod. Kankurou heaved a sigh, trapping his hands between his legs to stop the anxious movement. "You don't have to have children if you don't want them."
"It's inevitable."
"How so?"
"She's already pregnant."
A long silence.
"I was planning to marry her-"
"Months beforehand, I know. I've seen you making your plans. Vastly different to the advice you gave me."
"Of course. I don't want our lives to be identical. Besides, Tsuchi doesn't go for the same romantic goop Matsuri likes."
"True. But you like Shikadai and Kirameki, because they are family."
"Yeah, I know. Attachment isn't the problem. Family's...it means a lot to me, but...kids aren't my thing, I'm awful with them. How in hell's name am I supposed to be a father?"
"If you ask me, I'd say you have the perfect traits for a good parent. Protective, but not suffocating, stern but not cruel, and though you try and hide it, you have a deeply caring personality. From where I'm sat, there's no real issue other than your confidence in yourself. You're afraid that you'll not know what you're doing, but that's what antenatal classes are for."
"What classes?"
"Matsuri insisted we attend them. They'll help you know what you need to know."
"That's your answer? I'm perfect, I just need to take classes?"
"As I said, the only issue I can see is your confidence. You were very good with your nephew and niece when you met them, apart from when Shikadai threw up on you. Kirameki lights up whenever she sees you. You leave a good impression on them. Even if you don't like children, they like you." He paused a moment before the brothers' eyes met. "Are you convinced yet?"
He shrugged and watched Gaara stifle a yawn. It was probably past midnight. "Thanks, ototo..."
"Don't worry about it...fair warning though, women like to do their best to break your fingers when in labour."
The brothers were still asleep when they finally found themselves in Iwagakure. Yaoki awoke them at 10, and Gaara went to leave with a brief warning to Kankurou to get ready for the wedding ceremony, as Yaoki would be back to check the coast was clear and point him in the right direction. Indeed, it wasn't long before the newly appointed bodyguard and adviser was able to sneak away under the pretense of having left some things at the palanquin, where he did as told and escorted the Kazekage's brother to a small building on the outskirts of the village so he could finally be wed. He would have to think up a good explanation for how long he was taking before he got back.
The meeting was dull, focusing on the current relationship between the two villages and recent discrepancies that had occurred without the leaders' notice. It took place in a stuffy room, and Gaara found himself subtly stealing glances at the clock in the corner. At first the issue was simply that he had a wedding to get to, having been named as a witness to his brother's wedding. He was pretty sure the other witness was to be the large man that normally served as the Tsuchikage's bodyguard. True to that, Akatsuchi was missing from the meeting room. After long enough in that room, however, the young Kazekage simply couldn't wait to get some fresh air, so when the time ticked on far enough he decided to call a lunch break and briefly flit off to the wedding to sign what he needed to sign. That Ohnoki saw him leaving through a window was a minor oversight that he could explain easily enough. It would be harder to explain suddenly having to sign his brother over as an addition to the Iwa forces before he left.
"You're late." Kankurou told him as he hurried into the small building, apologising softly. Even so, the elder brother had a grin on his face.
"I don't have long. I'm not sure you do either. Kurotsuchi's father is coming this way, apparently looking for Akatsuchi."
"And he knows he's here?"
"At 'a dear friend's' wedding."
"I've already signed." Akatsuchi mused, gesturing to the door. "I could go and-"
Kurotsuchi latched onto his arm. "Come on, just stay a little longer, we can have a photo together. He won't come bursting in here. Gaara, you can stay a little longer and I can explain the whole thing to Grandfather, since we swore you to secrecy. It'll be fun!"
He hesitated before giving a slight nod, agreeing to her whim, though not sure why. Perhaps for Kankurou's sake. He seemed pleased to know his brother would remain at least a little longer.
Photos were taken outside the building, in an area that provided a pretty view and somewhere nice for the couple to settle themselves before they were tracked by Kitsuchi and Ohnoki. That was when an otherwise fine day became a little bit more...chaotic.
"What on earth is going on here?"
"I was wondering where you'd gone."
Gaara found himself having to explain himself to a rather irate Tsuchikage, while Kankurou and Kurotsuchi calmly gave their reasons for the secret wedding, although Kankurou admitted he had not expected the father of the bride to be kept in the dark, to which she answered, as though her father were not there, that 'you and I both know he'd react badly when he found out about..." She trailed off and instantly, Kitsuchi began to press for an explanation. Well, they'd already messed up enough that he wouldn't drop it until told.
Ohnoki and Gaara found themselves distracted from their conversation (which had turned more amicable over the passing moments) by a harsh sound as one man's fist connected with another's jaw, almost unbalancing the victim. After righting himself, Kankurou found himself forming his own fists. "You fucker!"
"Tou-san, Kankurou, stop it!" As she called out to them, sand surged forth to separate the fighting men, as did Akatsuchi. Kankurou obediently stepped back, hands moving instead to nurse his cheek, glare never wavering. "Do you have to ruin everything?" Kurotsuchi continued, her own glare leveled on her father. "It's not bad enough that I had to be that careful who I told for political reasons, I had to worry about your temper too! In the end I just thought I couldn't tell anyone because no matter who I told somehow it would be ruined and everything would be used as an excuse to use the entire day for some bullshit."
"That's not-"
"Shut up!"
"Quiet!" Ohnoki was able to make his voice heard above the general caterwaul that was this poorly timed argument. "Like it or not, this is a family."
"We can stay together and talk, or separate until you cool down." Gaara continued. It was annoyingly like being the parents to a group of rowdy children. Even so, the two of them were eventually able to calm the all out war formulating before them, even if it did take a bit of convincing. On the plus side, they spent a good few hours together, just talking, getting to know the way their family was growing. It went from frustrating and hellish to pleasant and calm, but for the swelling bruise on Kankurou's cheek.
The hardest part of the entire event was not stopping any budding fights, calming his elder brother's rage or nursing his ego, but instead saying his goodbye to him. Kankurou turned his forehead protector over in his hands, stood across from his younger brother.
"I have to go soon." Gaara stated dully, bringing the puppeteer's attention to him.
"I don't really want you to go."
"I know, but I have responsibilities to take care of, and so do you."
"Yeah, I know. Growing up sucks big time." To the younger brother's surprise, he stepped forward and pulled him into a tight hug. "See you real soon, okay?"
"As soon as can be arranged."
"Look after the girls and give them my love."
"Your niece will miss you."
"She'll get over it eventually."
Once released, Gaara stepped back and turned his attentions to his new sister-in-law. "Look after him. He's an idiot."
"Hey!"
Kurotsuchi slung an arm around her husband's shoulders, a grin on her face. Kankurou gave the both of them the same disgruntled look. "Don't worry, I know all too well what I'm getting into with this whining terror."
"I'm trusting you."
"I know, I know, he's my problem now."
Kankurou muttered under his breath, something about hating both of them, only for Kurotsuchi to laugh and plant a kiss on his cheek. She then reached forward to take Gaara's hand firmly. "It's been a pleasure to have you here, it really has."
"It's been equally pleasant for me." He assured her.
"Thanks for, well,"
"It's always good to build and grow our family." Reluctantly, he stepped away, offering a slight wave which was eagerly returned by both ninja stood before him. He chose not to glance back at their side-by-side embrace and small shows of affection coupled with their dwindling waves.
All that was left now was to explain things to the councils.
Basically, the council and their insistence in being part of the weddings of the Kazekage and his elder sister pretty much ruined everything, thus it was with a heavy heart and with much discussing with his fiancee that Kankurou made the decision that his own wedding should be kept as small and secret as possible.
Kurotsuchi had no objection. She had no wish to turn her wedding into a peace treaty between the Stone and Sand, especially since she wanted to be wed at least before she took on the mantle of Tsuchikage. It was important to her to marry before certain factors made it more difficult. Before she gained too much weight to wear that peach kimono she had deemed absolutely perfect, before it became harder for her and her fiance to travel to see one another, before hostilities between her father and her fiance got even worse and before Kankurou could have any second thoughts. So, over the past few weeks leading up to a meeting between the Kazekage and Tsuchikage, they had made their plans. It was a quick thing, tragically, but the entire thing was essentially rather urgent.
The journey between Suna and Iwa was roughly a week long. Both sides had informed a small party of their plans, and those who knew had willingly sworn secrecy. The warm day was punctuated by a biting wind, sand stinging the eyes of Suna's delegation. That morning, Kankurou found himself unceremoniously bundled into a palanquin while no-one was looking, to be joined shortly by his younger brother. The journey seemed slow and arduous, and for the longest time he sat in silence, barely acknowledging his brother's presence, not for the sake of snubbing or for need to be rude, but more due to nerves. When in a good mood, Kankurou was the kind that could talk your ears off until the cows came home, provided there was enough to talk about (and believe you me, there was plenty he had to say there and then), and even in a bad mood he could talk. Quiet, submissive behaviour was deeply unbecoming of him, and while it concerned Gaara, the younger brother was able to recognise a need for quiet reflection and thought, and so left him until he was ready to talk.
After a few hours, however, he was somewhat certain his elder brother had fallen asleep. Finally, he was unable to stand the silence much longer and gave the puppeteer a sharp prod in the side. He awoke with a jolt and stared ahead for a moment, trying to get ahold of where he was in his head.
"Gaara?" He asked, glancing to the other man in confusion.
"I'm sorry if I woke you."
"No, no, it's fine." He stretched out and offered a smile. "What's up?"
Was that an inquiry as to how Gaara was feeling? It was Kankurou who was starting to feel stress and strain over what was to come, so surely it should have been the other way around.
"We'll be leaving the desert soon, and then we'll have something to eat. How are you feeling?"
"Fine." He answered simply before turning his attention to the window. The curtains were drawn, so he couldn't see a thing, but something about those light purple drapes seemed to be absolutely fascinating.
"I told Matsuri. It's a shame we couldn't have others present."
"Yeah, though your screaming kid and my beloved nephew aren't my idea of paradise."
"Nothing's perfect, but family is family."
"Yeah..." Kankurou found his thoughts flitting from one worry right on to another. Weddings, family, Sunagakure...
He didn't want to leave the people he cared for most, but at the same time he was weighted with responsibilities and the fact that he was moving along the path of adult life like an average person did. This was how life went, wasn't it? Grow up, get an education, get a god damned job, meet a nice girl, get married, have a few babies, watch them grow up, get an education...it wasn't really what he wanted. He'd wanted a different life, but then he'd also wanted to be trained by Chiyo and to have been the perfect big brother to a vaguely normal younger brother, but that didn't happen either. And hell, he'd been the one to initiate this. When he'd gone to meet his nephew, Temari had teased him about something along those lines, seeing as his relationship with Kurotsuchi had likely been the longest he'd ever undergone. And it still would be. She'd probably tease him even more when their first born arrived. He'd distinctly said he planned to never ever have children after Shikadai had vomited on his best shirt. Still, a little teasing from his siblings was something he generally viewed as a good thing. The more normal they became, the more he could bond with them, and the more he could bond with them, the more he treasured his time with his family. Not that he'd ever stopped treasuring such time. Even when moments grew awkward in that small palanquin half-stuffed with his own belongings, ready for transfer to his new life, he was happy to spend his time with his precious younger brother.
The days passed in similar ways to each other. It was dark when Gaara found himself finally able to pick into his brother's more troubled mindset. It started with a simple comment.
"Next time we stop for food, perhaps you should cook." He mused, glancing to Kankurou, whose attentions were still focused on the curtains. Even so, the older man gave a snort of laughter.
"Who in hell's name told Yaoki he could cook? He makes the simplest things taste like pure crap."
"I don't think we should say this when he's around."
"Well, he's got to know somehow." He shrugged, smiling to himself as Gaara continued.
"You realise once this is done you'll be forced to make the best dishes you can every night."
"Oh yeah. She'll come home and complain she's sore and tired and," for the next part, he put on a falsetto voice, clearly a mockery of his fiancee. "Being Tsuchikage is so hard to adapt to, so much work to do." The men allowed themselves a chuckle before he continued. "And I'll go along with it like a loyal slave."
"It won't be that bad."
"You say that because you can't do household work."
Gaara's shoulders twitched in what may have been a shrug.
"Is this...?" Kankurou began before shaking his head, looking back to the curtain and resting his arm against the window sill.
There was a long silence before the Kazekage addressed his brother. "You're having cold feet."
"It's not that, it's just...I don't want to move away, but she's got a duty to her entire village now. I'm going to be at least a week away from pretty much everyone I know now, and that's just going to suck. Plus you and I both know my father-in-law isn't all that fond of me and...everything's going to change so completely, huh?" During this time, he began to wring his hands with nervous vigor, some of the joints cracking audibly.
Another dismissive shoulder twitch was the immediate response as Gaara took in his brother's expressions and the tension keeping him upright. "It isn't like we'll never see one another again." He pointed out, trying to think of the best way to waylay his brother's...concerns. "There's only one person left to talk this over with and that's you. Temari spoke to Kurotsuchi on the matter. We've both been aware that we'll be far apart for a very long time, but even if small visits are impossible, special occasions call for a family to be together. The 19th of January, 15th of May and 23rd of August are just some of these. And beyond that, if a person is worth being with, a journey would be worth taking. Clearly, this person is worth this journey. You're willing to go this far for this woman, which tells me she is worth the effort in your eyes, and if roles were reversed she would do the same for you. You're not sure what you want from life or what you're seeking, but like everyone else, you're seeking happiness. If anything, this venture will bring you happiness. I do not believe you are making a mistake."
Kankurou stared at his younger brother evenly for a moment before smirking. "I thought Temari hated 'Tsuchi."
"She's just protective of her little brother."
"She should know I don't need her looking after me."
"You appreciate it though."
"More than she'll ever be allowed to know." He joked. He rested his hands on his knees, notably calmer. Still, the tension in his joints remained painfully obvious.
"What else is troubling you?" Gaara asked, reaching uncertainly to place a hand on Kankurou's shoulder.
"Nothing." Came the dull and somewhat embarrassed response. The younger brother's eyes never left the elder, aware it wasn't true. "Look, it's just something stupid, it's not even worth worrying about."
"You seem rather concerned about it."
"I just started thinking about...the future."
"I don't understand." Gaara admitted rather quickly. The puppeteer somewhat suspected he'd barely given it any thought. He was also sure he didn't want to expand. Gaara would ask where the sudden thought about kids had come from (as that was what he was thinking of) and he really didn't want to talk about his pregnant soon-to-be-wife. Nor did he want his little brother to so much as think that was the reason he was marrying her. After a moment trapped within these thoughts, he realised he was wringing his hands again, but made no effort to stop. The fact was, he hated little kids and as far as he could see, his prospects as a decent father were low. Plus, if Kurotsuchi had to run Iwagakure, he was somewhat aware he'd end up being labeled primary caregiver and if that were to be the case the kid would be as good as fucked.
Suddenly, the Kazekage addressed him again. "When you say future, you mean what comes after marriage?" He asked, awaiting his brother's slight and tense nod before continuing. "Children?" Another nod. Kankurou heaved a sigh, trapping his hands between his legs to stop the anxious movement. "You don't have to have children if you don't want them."
"It's inevitable."
"How so?"
"She's already pregnant."
A long silence.
"I was planning to marry her-"
"Months beforehand, I know. I've seen you making your plans. Vastly different to the advice you gave me."
"Of course. I don't want our lives to be identical. Besides, Tsuchi doesn't go for the same romantic goop Matsuri likes."
"True. But you like Shikadai and Kirameki, because they are family."
"Yeah, I know. Attachment isn't the problem. Family's...it means a lot to me, but...kids aren't my thing, I'm awful with them. How in hell's name am I supposed to be a father?"
"If you ask me, I'd say you have the perfect traits for a good parent. Protective, but not suffocating, stern but not cruel, and though you try and hide it, you have a deeply caring personality. From where I'm sat, there's no real issue other than your confidence in yourself. You're afraid that you'll not know what you're doing, but that's what antenatal classes are for."
"What classes?"
"Matsuri insisted we attend them. They'll help you know what you need to know."
"That's your answer? I'm perfect, I just need to take classes?"
"As I said, the only issue I can see is your confidence. You were very good with your nephew and niece when you met them, apart from when Shikadai threw up on you. Kirameki lights up whenever she sees you. You leave a good impression on them. Even if you don't like children, they like you." He paused a moment before the brothers' eyes met. "Are you convinced yet?"
He shrugged and watched Gaara stifle a yawn. It was probably past midnight. "Thanks, ototo..."
"Don't worry about it...fair warning though, women like to do their best to break your fingers when in labour."
The brothers were still asleep when they finally found themselves in Iwagakure. Yaoki awoke them at 10, and Gaara went to leave with a brief warning to Kankurou to get ready for the wedding ceremony, as Yaoki would be back to check the coast was clear and point him in the right direction. Indeed, it wasn't long before the newly appointed bodyguard and adviser was able to sneak away under the pretense of having left some things at the palanquin, where he did as told and escorted the Kazekage's brother to a small building on the outskirts of the village so he could finally be wed. He would have to think up a good explanation for how long he was taking before he got back.
The meeting was dull, focusing on the current relationship between the two villages and recent discrepancies that had occurred without the leaders' notice. It took place in a stuffy room, and Gaara found himself subtly stealing glances at the clock in the corner. At first the issue was simply that he had a wedding to get to, having been named as a witness to his brother's wedding. He was pretty sure the other witness was to be the large man that normally served as the Tsuchikage's bodyguard. True to that, Akatsuchi was missing from the meeting room. After long enough in that room, however, the young Kazekage simply couldn't wait to get some fresh air, so when the time ticked on far enough he decided to call a lunch break and briefly flit off to the wedding to sign what he needed to sign. That Ohnoki saw him leaving through a window was a minor oversight that he could explain easily enough. It would be harder to explain suddenly having to sign his brother over as an addition to the Iwa forces before he left.
"You're late." Kankurou told him as he hurried into the small building, apologising softly. Even so, the elder brother had a grin on his face.
"I don't have long. I'm not sure you do either. Kurotsuchi's father is coming this way, apparently looking for Akatsuchi."
"And he knows he's here?"
"At 'a dear friend's' wedding."
"I've already signed." Akatsuchi mused, gesturing to the door. "I could go and-"
Kurotsuchi latched onto his arm. "Come on, just stay a little longer, we can have a photo together. He won't come bursting in here. Gaara, you can stay a little longer and I can explain the whole thing to Grandfather, since we swore you to secrecy. It'll be fun!"
He hesitated before giving a slight nod, agreeing to her whim, though not sure why. Perhaps for Kankurou's sake. He seemed pleased to know his brother would remain at least a little longer.
Photos were taken outside the building, in an area that provided a pretty view and somewhere nice for the couple to settle themselves before they were tracked by Kitsuchi and Ohnoki. That was when an otherwise fine day became a little bit more...chaotic.
"What on earth is going on here?"
"I was wondering where you'd gone."
Gaara found himself having to explain himself to a rather irate Tsuchikage, while Kankurou and Kurotsuchi calmly gave their reasons for the secret wedding, although Kankurou admitted he had not expected the father of the bride to be kept in the dark, to which she answered, as though her father were not there, that 'you and I both know he'd react badly when he found out about..." She trailed off and instantly, Kitsuchi began to press for an explanation. Well, they'd already messed up enough that he wouldn't drop it until told.
Ohnoki and Gaara found themselves distracted from their conversation (which had turned more amicable over the passing moments) by a harsh sound as one man's fist connected with another's jaw, almost unbalancing the victim. After righting himself, Kankurou found himself forming his own fists. "You fucker!"
"Tou-san, Kankurou, stop it!" As she called out to them, sand surged forth to separate the fighting men, as did Akatsuchi. Kankurou obediently stepped back, hands moving instead to nurse his cheek, glare never wavering. "Do you have to ruin everything?" Kurotsuchi continued, her own glare leveled on her father. "It's not bad enough that I had to be that careful who I told for political reasons, I had to worry about your temper too! In the end I just thought I couldn't tell anyone because no matter who I told somehow it would be ruined and everything would be used as an excuse to use the entire day for some bullshit."
"That's not-"
"Shut up!"
"Quiet!" Ohnoki was able to make his voice heard above the general caterwaul that was this poorly timed argument. "Like it or not, this is a family."
"We can stay together and talk, or separate until you cool down." Gaara continued. It was annoyingly like being the parents to a group of rowdy children. Even so, the two of them were eventually able to calm the all out war formulating before them, even if it did take a bit of convincing. On the plus side, they spent a good few hours together, just talking, getting to know the way their family was growing. It went from frustrating and hellish to pleasant and calm, but for the swelling bruise on Kankurou's cheek.
The hardest part of the entire event was not stopping any budding fights, calming his elder brother's rage or nursing his ego, but instead saying his goodbye to him. Kankurou turned his forehead protector over in his hands, stood across from his younger brother.
"I have to go soon." Gaara stated dully, bringing the puppeteer's attention to him.
"I don't really want you to go."
"I know, but I have responsibilities to take care of, and so do you."
"Yeah, I know. Growing up sucks big time." To the younger brother's surprise, he stepped forward and pulled him into a tight hug. "See you real soon, okay?"
"As soon as can be arranged."
"Look after the girls and give them my love."
"Your niece will miss you."
"She'll get over it eventually."
Once released, Gaara stepped back and turned his attentions to his new sister-in-law. "Look after him. He's an idiot."
"Hey!"
Kurotsuchi slung an arm around her husband's shoulders, a grin on her face. Kankurou gave the both of them the same disgruntled look. "Don't worry, I know all too well what I'm getting into with this whining terror."
"I'm trusting you."
"I know, I know, he's my problem now."
Kankurou muttered under his breath, something about hating both of them, only for Kurotsuchi to laugh and plant a kiss on his cheek. She then reached forward to take Gaara's hand firmly. "It's been a pleasure to have you here, it really has."
"It's been equally pleasant for me." He assured her.
"Thanks for, well,"
"It's always good to build and grow our family." Reluctantly, he stepped away, offering a slight wave which was eagerly returned by both ninja stood before him. He chose not to glance back at their side-by-side embrace and small shows of affection coupled with their dwindling waves.
All that was left now was to explain things to the councils.
Thursday, 30 July 2015
Another Boring Teen Pregnancy Fic
It was with a heavy heart that Tohko Kirisaki willingly submitted herself to the test. She had been out for lunch with some friends at the time and had the test with her the whole time, but in the end her curiosity, her undying need to find out, led her to taking the test before she got home.
She came back to the table somewhat subdued, offering only slight and uncaring responses to the things her friends said. It was almost instantly that they realised something was wrong, of course.
"Tohko?" Emi asked, reaching over for her friend's hand. Tohko barely glanced up, heaving a sigh.
"My life is over..."
~*~*~*~*~
Kirisaki Tohko was pregnant. When she told her friends, Mitsuki gave her a big lecture about how she should have been more responsible, then sighed and asked what she was going to do. Tohko held back her tears and admitted she didn't know. Emi first asked who the father was, but Tohko's only response was 'I can't believe I slept with him'. For the rest of the day, top of Emi's priorities was cheering her friend up. Primarily, it worked. A bit of shopping, a look at some especially cute hair accessories, chili dogs and going back to her house to dance to a little music. A day of fun!
When she told her parents, they freaked out, asking what on earth she was thinking. How could she just so readily throw away her future like that? Well, Tohko didn't have much of a plan for the future anyway. Her father tried to pressure her into an abortion, however the more he said, the more she wanted to avoid exactly what he said. It wasn't a strain of rebellion, it was just...the more he said, the more horrible his solution seemed. Her mother just kept asking what she was going to do in an hysteric voice, insisting that if she didn't get rid of it in one way or another she would end up miserable and depressed and living off benefits, never being loved in her life. She knew they were just...concerned, and definitely more than a little shocked, but still, it hurt. Somewhere along the line, she'd just stood up and walked out, making her way to Emi's house.
When she told the father?
She didn't. She didn't even like the father, and for as long as she was able to hide her pregnancy, she would keep it a secret from everyone. She could already feel the weight around her waistline piling on, and she wasn't quite sure how far along she was. She tried to count, but how long ago was that stupid party? Everyone in school had gone. Well, almost everyone. Fukuroi and Kizami weren't there, which had been a bit of a disappointment. Besides which, there was the issue of whether she counted from when they actually did it or...nobody had ever told her about this, after all. She was a teenager, and sexual education missed out things like how you counted your pregnancy dates.
Her train of thought would also always get interrupted when she tried to count it out. Wherever she was in the terms and dates and process of growing a miniature Kirisaki within her, she was already overflowing with nausea and the ability to vomit like a whale who had eaten a good hundred tonnes of week old rotten fish crawling with parasites. It was beyond vile, and since she didn't want to throw up before the entire female population of Byakudan Senior High, she missed the odd day. Mostly, however, she did make the effort to go to school.
~*~*~*~*~
It wasn't until she started to show that school became an issue. Tohko had tried to loosen her uniform, but hadn't been able to buy anything new. Every now and then she tried to borrow Emi's uniforms, since she believed her friend was a bit bigger, but it didn't work too well, and all too soon her uniform was straining, and the others were talking. She wished she could just look chubby instead of staying slim around the bump.
All too soon, Tohko was acquainted with the calls of 'slut' and 'whore' and the words flying about on how easy she must have been, especially since everyone knew she was single. It was mostly the girls, since no boys would dare brave the wrath of her best friend, Hellgirl Mitsuki. It was midday and Tohko had nearly forgotten about the party and the little scumbag she'd slept with, and she was trying to tune out the usual shouts and whispers. Her eyes caught that boy's then, and as he passed, he offered a teasing smirk, brushing a hand across her waist.
Arsehole.
She kept walking, when suddenly she heard a loud bang. Turning, she found Shimada Kai had knocked something over and was now standing on it, like one of those soapbox preachers you saw in popular shopping districts.
"Shut the hell up!" He yelled. It seemed to work. The noise levels died down a little. Then again, half the girls in that hall wanted to sleep with the arsehole. He scanned his eyes over the hall, crossing his arms before spitting out his next few words. "All you stupid bitches and little whiny, jealous cows can keep your running mouths tied the fuck down, okay? Oh fucking wow, the girl's pregnant. You know what that means? She had sex once. I know her, and she's probably only ever slept with one guy in her entire life, she just got the luck of the draw. I know some of you who sleep with a different guy every fucking day of the week."
Tohko had stopped now, listening intently to this. Her first thought when he finished this part was 'Does he know it's his?', and then she felt her eyes burn with tears. How much damn emotion had she been holding back just so she didn't give those bitches the satisfaction?
Why the hell would that arsehole defend her, or any girl for that matter, anyway?
"God, you piss me off so much! You wanna see a slut? Try looking in the fucking mirror some time. Just because she's the one girl who didn't get an abortion as a form of contraception does not make her more of a slut than the girls who tear their clothes off the moment a guy so much as smiles at them. I'm looking at you, Chisaki!"
A ripple of sound ran through the hall and Shimada stepped down.
"I hear another word from you five in particular and I'm going on a killing spree."
He walked off and Tohko stared after him in confusion before finally remembering she was supposed to be meeting with her friends. Emi and Mitsuki hadn't heard a word of what Shimada had said, which was all for the better, really. She didn't want to talk about him, but somehow the topic of the father of the baby came up again.
"You still haven't told him, have you?" Mitsuki began in her usual scolding tone.
"No." Tohko responded at once, scowling.
"Why not?"
"Because I hate him! You think I'd ever sleep with someone like that unless I was so drunk I was practically comatose? Obviously not! He's vile, and I never want to touch him again! God, he isn't even attractive. I don't see why anyone likes him in the first place. Besides, what kind of womanising 17-year-old boy would want to be tied down with a cheap fuck's kid?"
She rested her head on the table, and outside, there was a sound. Someone had been standing by the door the whole time, and suddenly, they huffed and went away, kicking something over in the process, probably an umbrella stand.
Mitsuki shook her head. It seemed to her that Tohko at least wanted him to say something, say he didn't care or he wanted a child when older but it was way too early now, or even beyond the grace of god that he would offer at least a little help. Secondly, she picked something else up from Tohko's words. "It's Shimada, isn't it?"
Tohko remained silent, her worldess confirmation hanging in the air.
"You know...he's been in a pretty foul mood all day."
Emi piped up next. "Didn't Fukuroi say when he came into school his head was bleeding? He'd tried to hide it with his fringe, but it was still visible. That'd be why he turned up for history with wet hair."
"He's probably been picking fights again." Tohko spat. "You know what he's like."
And in a way it was true. Now, while Tohko lived in the opposite direction to Shimada, Emi lived in roughly the same direction. The former had been given a set of spare keys, and the latter had to take care of something in the school. Kirisaki Tohko went home with the rest of the surge of students, watching the usual groups get together. Oddly, Shimada had bypassed his friends and started swiftly walking in the direction of his home.
Not many students lived in this district, so soon enough Tohko, unfortunately, found herself following a moody, bitter Shimada down past the roundabout. At least Emi's house was closer to the school. Wait a second...Shimada was slowing, turning into a driveway. Tohko had long since gone past Emi's house. She herself slowed to a stop, watching the delinquent boy fumble with the lock of his front door. He stumbled when the door was wrenched open before him, wrenching his arms with it. He swore loudly, and the man before him crossed his arms.
The man in Shimada's house was a few inches shorter than him, with dark brown hair and cold, grey eyes. "Shut the fuck up, brat. Don't you dare swear at me!"
"You just swore back, fuckhead."
Tohko winced as the man slugged Shimada across the face. "What did you call me?! Kai, I have told you time and again, as part of this family, I deserve respect!"
"You need to earn respect, Tokio! You can't just fuck me over and demand it!"
Was this his elder brother or something? Though they looked nothing alike.
Tokio, the dark haired man, lashed out again, this time sinking his fist deep into Shimada's stomach. The redheaded teen retched, doubling over. For some reason he wouldn't fight back.
"Where's mum?" He asked after Tokio gave him a moment to compose himself.
"You call Aika 'mum' but you still refuse to call me 'dad'."
"You're not my dad."
"If I'm not your dad, what am I?"
"Mum's stupid boyfriend that she should have chucked years ago, dipshit!"
Tokio lost his temper, kicking the younger boy away from the threshold. "As long as I'm married to her, I am your father, like it or not! But you have to break her heart, refuse to accept it, insist on being Shimada's brat!" He approached Kai, grabbing his shirt and continuing to hit him. Still, Kai didn't fight back. "Do you even give a fuck? Aren't I better? You are a part of my family, Shimada, like it or not!"
Finally, he threw the redhead down and stepped back, going back inside. Tohko hurried to Shimada, as fast as her swollen belly and aching body allowed, but as she approached, she just made matters worse.
"Hey, look, Kai! Your little slut friend from school is here to rescue you! That one slut you never shut up about!"
And instantly, he was on his feet again, surging forward. "She's not a slut! Don't you dare call her that!" He finally went to fight back. Tohko was beginning to think he refused to because his mother loved this man, but that was no excuse.
Once again, Okamura Tokio threw his fist into Shimada Kai's face before he could get close. He seemed to know what he was doing, that was for sure. Kai paused, thinking things over for a moment. Once again, he was stood within easy reach of this man, supposedly his step-father? He wiped the blood away from his mouth and managed to speak.
"When I tell her all this, mum's gonna kill you."
Tokio laughed. It happened so quick that if she'd blinked, Tohko would have missed it. The man grabbed Kai's throat, at the same time sweeping his legs out from beneath him. He was clearly an athlete of some kind, but a very, very violent one. He squeezed gently, just enough to make Kai gasp for breath.
"Stop!" Tohko yelled before she could stop herself.
Tokio ignored her. "She's never believed you before. What in fuck's name makes you think your stupid mum would believe you now? All you are is that brat that breaks her heart and starts fights, finding any way he can to act out. I am her angelic husband. The entire block thinks I wouldn't hurt a fly. You're the only one in the world who drives me to this shit, Kai!"
Tohko reached the end of the drive. "Please stop! He can't breathe! Let him go!"
The man only just seemed to notice she was there, then spared a glance to his step-son's red face and desperate grasping for air. After a moment of considering, he threw the boy down. Kai curled over, taking great gulps of air before hiding his face in his hands.
"I never want to see you again, brat! Not unless you learn some fucking respect! And take your little slut girlfriend with you!" And with that, he slammed the door shut. Wincing, Tohko knelt down beside him, resting a hesitant hand on his shoulder. He was shaking, and every so often his shoulders jumped, accompanied by what sounded like sobbing, but may have been hiccups. Finally, whatever it was died down and he forced himself to sit up. The left side of his face was bruised, and he held himself in a way that betrayed the pain in his ribs. He ran something around in his mouth a moment before spitting something creamy white onto the pavement. A tooth. His step-father had knocked out at least one tooth. Tohko decided she wouldn't dwell on any other damage done.
"Are...are you okay?" Tohko asked hesitantly. Perhaps this was where Kai got his bad attitude from, although it sounded like his real father wasn't too good either. The redhead didn't respond, just stared at his tooth. It seemed like an eternity passed before she stood, bracing herself to force him up. The slight touch to his arm, however, and he dragged himself to one foot, however kept weight off of one. Sprained? Perfect.
She walked round to the sprained side and, though far shorter than him, offered her physical support. As she made her way back to Emi's, Kai followed obediently, not even asking where they were going. Perhaps he was just glad someone was helping him get away from there. Every step with his right foot became an awkward jump-skip thing, and it looked painful. When they finally reached Emi's house and Tohko unlocked the door, she called out.
"Urabe-san! I brought someone with me! Someone from school got beaten up, can you take a look at his ankle?"
Emi's father was a nurse, so it seemed like a fair request.
"Okay, just give me a minute, Tohko-san!" Came the reply. Tohko guided Kai to a sofa. The living room just had Emi's younger sister sat in front of the TV (dangerously close), watching some stupid show for little kids. When the two older students came in, she turned around and stared until Tohko shooed her, snapping that it was rude to stare (to which Urabe Aino responded with something even ruder before running off). A few moments of silence passed before Kai opened his mouth to speak. Tragically, at that moment, Emi's dad came in to check him over
"How did all this happen?" He asked the student, who shrugged, his cold and cool demeanour returning.
"Fighting."
"And Tohko brought you here? Normally she has no patience for kids like you, you know."
Tohko briefly wondered whether all his previous 'fights' were real or just him being hurt by his step-father. Kai glanced at her and reminded himself that she hated him.
"Does it hurt much when I do this?"
"Fuck! Ouch, yes!"
"It is pretty swollen...I'll get something to brace it. It should be better in six or so weeks, provided you don't get into any more fights."
"Six weeks?!"
"Although you look pretty beaten up. I hope you at least gave as good as you got. It might be worth staying off school a day or too to let the rest of the damage set and give yourself a little time to recover." He stood, moving toward the door. "I can give you a lift home later and explain the situation to your parents, but I think I'll let you explain about the fighting." With that, he left the room and Kai made a face at his back. After a moment, he turned to Tohko and made another face.
"What are you staring at, bitch?"
She shrugged and left the room, not wanting to lose her temper after what she had just witnessed. She waited by the front door for Emi, and when she returned, she decided to brief her on the situation before she saw anything for herself.
"Emi!" Aino called before Tohko could say anything. "Your friend from school is hot! The boy one, not your skank friend who lives here now!"
"Aino, don't say thinks like that!" Emi scolded, followed by similar words from her parents. She turned to Tohko, smirking. "Who's she talking about, do you know?"
"...Shimada." Kirisaki admitted bitterly. "But I guess Aino can have him. Anyway, speaking of Shimada-"
"Did you finally talk to him about the whole baby thing?"
"What? No! Just listen to me, okay?"
"So he still doesn't know?"
"No. But he's here, so keep your voice down."
"What's he doing in my house?!"
Tohko held her hands up to silence her friend. "Shhh! He was hurt, I brought him here since your dad's a nurse. I didn't have my phone and it was closer than the hospital." All true.
The rest of the afternoon was pretty average. At one point Kai interrupted the girls to ask where he could find a bathroom, and as soon as he returned, he went right for the front door. Tohko hurried to stop him.
"Where are you going?"
"Mum will be worrying about me."
"You can't go back there!"
He glanced at the floor before shrugging. "He won't do anything while she's there."
Tohko moved to stand in front of him, crossing her arms firmly. "Did your dad give you that gash on your forehead too? Urabe-san said it looks like you might need stitches, but you wouldn't let him look at it."
Anger flashed across his face. "That bastard is not my dad! My dad's off with his whore in Greece or something, I don't even care! Tokio will never, ever be my father! And what do you even care? You only want to help me because you pity me! You've always hated me, had to get so pissed you were practically comatose to show even the slightest affection, and apparently I'm too ugly for you to bother with! Oh, not to mention 'cheap fuck'. Great, thanks. I've loved you more than any other girl I've ever met in my life, no wonder it pisses me off so much when all you can do is gush over Kizami like he's some kind of sex god! You couldn't even be decent enough to tell me you were having my kid." With that last bitter utterance, he gently pushed her to the side and wrenched the front door open. Tohko had gone pale and stiff, but for all of those words all she could say was
"You knew?"
"You three were talking in a public place."
"You were listening to our conversation!"
"I had a right to know!"
"No you did not! It's my problem so you should butt out!"
"I just want to protect you!"
"I'm not the one who needs protection, you are!"
"I don't need protecting!" Without another word, he stormed out. Groaning, Tohko hid her head in her hands before following him. When she inevitably lost him, she told Emi to tail him (as she could run after him) and call her when she found him.
Kai hesitantly allowed himself into his home. The first thing he noticed was Tokio and Aika stood in the hall, one looking worried, the other furious.
"Kai! Have you been fighting again?" His mother hurried forward, cupping his chin in her hands. "You're limping!"
"It..." His eyes met with the cold grey orbs of his step-father. "It was Tokio..."
Aika stepped back at once, frowning. "Kai...I swear, we've talked about this. Your father wouldn't hurt a fly! He couldn't!"
"I'm sure, but Tokio could!"
"They're the same person!"
"No, no!" His voice was rising. He was trying to stay away from hysterics. Tokio was smirking. "Dad's in Greece! Every holiday he mails me, sometimes he includes gifts!" He gestured to the jewellery he was often seen wearing. "He cares, you don't. You're more fussed with keeping your bullshit abusive marriage alive no matter who else it hurts!"
"Where is this coming from?"
"You care more about him than your own son! You don't even care if he breaks every bone in my body as long as you can keep fucking him!"
His head snapped to the side, already throbbing cheek stinging with the slap his mother had just delivered.
"Don't you ever speak to me like that, Kai! I am your mother!"
He glared at her and his step-father for a moment or two before shaking his head. "You're not a very good one." He went to leave again.
"Where are you going?"
"Work. Remember? I work for a living!"
"Just...come straight back, okay?"
As if. The injuries he had received that day caused a problem with the whole modelling thing. He was let off early because he was covered in bruises, bandages and cuts barely clotting. It was dark out now and he was getting hungry, having given up his rights to a decent dinner with those last words to his mother. Not that that was any big disaster. Someone approached. He looked over, then to the ground. She was short, with long hair and a large build. Well, large...not really, but...
Tohko stopped just before him hesitantly. "Shimada?"
"What?"
Well, he responded, so that was a start. "Look, it took forever to find you, so..."
"So talk. You've gone to enough effort." He was still pissed off, but seemed reluctant to be too rude to the girl before him.
"I...I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I said, I'd had a hellish past few months and...kind of got convinced nobody would ever really love me, so I took it out on you. And as for the secrets, I just assumed you'd be like everyone else and you wouldn't want to be involved so there was no point in saying."
"I at least want you to be decent enough to tell me I'm going to be a father..."
"Even if you don't want it?"
"Yes-!" He cut himself off, running his hands over his face and through his hair, frustrated beyond belief. "In future, don't make important decisions for me. Please."
"Sure. You coming back to Emi's?"
He thought it over for a moment, and after that moment he gave a slight nod, reaching out to take Tohko's hand. "I'm hardly going to let a pregnant lady wander the streets alone."
"You wouldn't care about any other pregnant lady."
"Hey, they could end up giving birth to something almost as awesome as me."
She dug her elbow into his side. "Shut up."
"Make me."
"Is that a challenge?" She stopped, reaching up to take his chin in her hands.
"Maybe it is." He answered as she pulled him closer.
~*~*~*~*~
He spent that night on Emi's sofa. The next day he tried to set something up with some friends. Fukuroi was able to offer board, so that was that settled. Otherwise, he seemed to keep close to Kirisaki, and she kept close to him, each keeping their silent promise to protect the other. After all, they certainly had their dangers that needed facing. Tohko wasn't exactly on a friendly set of terms but it was enough, certainly.
Months passed along with seasons, summer turning into Autumn. Tohko watched herself grow in disdain, and Kai tailed after her with various words that may have been intended to make her feel better. They didn't work too well.
He had been setting aside his payment to try and afford a place to live so he didn't irritate his friends so much, and maybe so that Tohko wouldn't impose. It was highly unlikely that she would move in with him though. He decided to bring it up that weekend.
He'd started talking about the place he was going to buy (which was unfortunately a grotty little council estate to the south) and fix up so he could live there and even have the child round every now and then, when it wanted to come round if Tohko didn't want to keep him close to them. She wasn't listening fully. That day, she went into labour.
Kai found the one situation he definitely didn't want to be beside her with. Watching a girl squeeze a baby out was...well, it was bound to be absolutely disgusting. She threatened to chop his balls off if he didn't at least try and provide some support. It took a lot of goading to get him in there with her, and then she managed to break his finger.
It took over a day for the baby to actually come out, something that annoyed the students beyond belief. Shimada had to admit, the weird wrinkly thing they ended up with was..kinda cute, actually. Tohko lay in the hospital bed, holding their newborn to her chest, and Shimada sat behind her head, arms around her waist and helping to support the baby. They fell asleep like that, cuddled together. The first step of their undeniably hectic life.
She came back to the table somewhat subdued, offering only slight and uncaring responses to the things her friends said. It was almost instantly that they realised something was wrong, of course.
"Tohko?" Emi asked, reaching over for her friend's hand. Tohko barely glanced up, heaving a sigh.
"My life is over..."
~*~*~*~*~
Kirisaki Tohko was pregnant. When she told her friends, Mitsuki gave her a big lecture about how she should have been more responsible, then sighed and asked what she was going to do. Tohko held back her tears and admitted she didn't know. Emi first asked who the father was, but Tohko's only response was 'I can't believe I slept with him'. For the rest of the day, top of Emi's priorities was cheering her friend up. Primarily, it worked. A bit of shopping, a look at some especially cute hair accessories, chili dogs and going back to her house to dance to a little music. A day of fun!
When she told her parents, they freaked out, asking what on earth she was thinking. How could she just so readily throw away her future like that? Well, Tohko didn't have much of a plan for the future anyway. Her father tried to pressure her into an abortion, however the more he said, the more she wanted to avoid exactly what he said. It wasn't a strain of rebellion, it was just...the more he said, the more horrible his solution seemed. Her mother just kept asking what she was going to do in an hysteric voice, insisting that if she didn't get rid of it in one way or another she would end up miserable and depressed and living off benefits, never being loved in her life. She knew they were just...concerned, and definitely more than a little shocked, but still, it hurt. Somewhere along the line, she'd just stood up and walked out, making her way to Emi's house.
When she told the father?
She didn't. She didn't even like the father, and for as long as she was able to hide her pregnancy, she would keep it a secret from everyone. She could already feel the weight around her waistline piling on, and she wasn't quite sure how far along she was. She tried to count, but how long ago was that stupid party? Everyone in school had gone. Well, almost everyone. Fukuroi and Kizami weren't there, which had been a bit of a disappointment. Besides which, there was the issue of whether she counted from when they actually did it or...nobody had ever told her about this, after all. She was a teenager, and sexual education missed out things like how you counted your pregnancy dates.
Her train of thought would also always get interrupted when she tried to count it out. Wherever she was in the terms and dates and process of growing a miniature Kirisaki within her, she was already overflowing with nausea and the ability to vomit like a whale who had eaten a good hundred tonnes of week old rotten fish crawling with parasites. It was beyond vile, and since she didn't want to throw up before the entire female population of Byakudan Senior High, she missed the odd day. Mostly, however, she did make the effort to go to school.
~*~*~*~*~
It wasn't until she started to show that school became an issue. Tohko had tried to loosen her uniform, but hadn't been able to buy anything new. Every now and then she tried to borrow Emi's uniforms, since she believed her friend was a bit bigger, but it didn't work too well, and all too soon her uniform was straining, and the others were talking. She wished she could just look chubby instead of staying slim around the bump.
All too soon, Tohko was acquainted with the calls of 'slut' and 'whore' and the words flying about on how easy she must have been, especially since everyone knew she was single. It was mostly the girls, since no boys would dare brave the wrath of her best friend, Hellgirl Mitsuki. It was midday and Tohko had nearly forgotten about the party and the little scumbag she'd slept with, and she was trying to tune out the usual shouts and whispers. Her eyes caught that boy's then, and as he passed, he offered a teasing smirk, brushing a hand across her waist.
Arsehole.
She kept walking, when suddenly she heard a loud bang. Turning, she found Shimada Kai had knocked something over and was now standing on it, like one of those soapbox preachers you saw in popular shopping districts.
"Shut the hell up!" He yelled. It seemed to work. The noise levels died down a little. Then again, half the girls in that hall wanted to sleep with the arsehole. He scanned his eyes over the hall, crossing his arms before spitting out his next few words. "All you stupid bitches and little whiny, jealous cows can keep your running mouths tied the fuck down, okay? Oh fucking wow, the girl's pregnant. You know what that means? She had sex once. I know her, and she's probably only ever slept with one guy in her entire life, she just got the luck of the draw. I know some of you who sleep with a different guy every fucking day of the week."
Tohko had stopped now, listening intently to this. Her first thought when he finished this part was 'Does he know it's his?', and then she felt her eyes burn with tears. How much damn emotion had she been holding back just so she didn't give those bitches the satisfaction?
Why the hell would that arsehole defend her, or any girl for that matter, anyway?
"God, you piss me off so much! You wanna see a slut? Try looking in the fucking mirror some time. Just because she's the one girl who didn't get an abortion as a form of contraception does not make her more of a slut than the girls who tear their clothes off the moment a guy so much as smiles at them. I'm looking at you, Chisaki!"
A ripple of sound ran through the hall and Shimada stepped down.
"I hear another word from you five in particular and I'm going on a killing spree."
He walked off and Tohko stared after him in confusion before finally remembering she was supposed to be meeting with her friends. Emi and Mitsuki hadn't heard a word of what Shimada had said, which was all for the better, really. She didn't want to talk about him, but somehow the topic of the father of the baby came up again.
"You still haven't told him, have you?" Mitsuki began in her usual scolding tone.
"No." Tohko responded at once, scowling.
"Why not?"
"Because I hate him! You think I'd ever sleep with someone like that unless I was so drunk I was practically comatose? Obviously not! He's vile, and I never want to touch him again! God, he isn't even attractive. I don't see why anyone likes him in the first place. Besides, what kind of womanising 17-year-old boy would want to be tied down with a cheap fuck's kid?"
She rested her head on the table, and outside, there was a sound. Someone had been standing by the door the whole time, and suddenly, they huffed and went away, kicking something over in the process, probably an umbrella stand.
Mitsuki shook her head. It seemed to her that Tohko at least wanted him to say something, say he didn't care or he wanted a child when older but it was way too early now, or even beyond the grace of god that he would offer at least a little help. Secondly, she picked something else up from Tohko's words. "It's Shimada, isn't it?"
Tohko remained silent, her worldess confirmation hanging in the air.
"You know...he's been in a pretty foul mood all day."
Emi piped up next. "Didn't Fukuroi say when he came into school his head was bleeding? He'd tried to hide it with his fringe, but it was still visible. That'd be why he turned up for history with wet hair."
"He's probably been picking fights again." Tohko spat. "You know what he's like."
And in a way it was true. Now, while Tohko lived in the opposite direction to Shimada, Emi lived in roughly the same direction. The former had been given a set of spare keys, and the latter had to take care of something in the school. Kirisaki Tohko went home with the rest of the surge of students, watching the usual groups get together. Oddly, Shimada had bypassed his friends and started swiftly walking in the direction of his home.
Not many students lived in this district, so soon enough Tohko, unfortunately, found herself following a moody, bitter Shimada down past the roundabout. At least Emi's house was closer to the school. Wait a second...Shimada was slowing, turning into a driveway. Tohko had long since gone past Emi's house. She herself slowed to a stop, watching the delinquent boy fumble with the lock of his front door. He stumbled when the door was wrenched open before him, wrenching his arms with it. He swore loudly, and the man before him crossed his arms.
The man in Shimada's house was a few inches shorter than him, with dark brown hair and cold, grey eyes. "Shut the fuck up, brat. Don't you dare swear at me!"
"You just swore back, fuckhead."
Tohko winced as the man slugged Shimada across the face. "What did you call me?! Kai, I have told you time and again, as part of this family, I deserve respect!"
"You need to earn respect, Tokio! You can't just fuck me over and demand it!"
Was this his elder brother or something? Though they looked nothing alike.
Tokio, the dark haired man, lashed out again, this time sinking his fist deep into Shimada's stomach. The redheaded teen retched, doubling over. For some reason he wouldn't fight back.
"Where's mum?" He asked after Tokio gave him a moment to compose himself.
"You call Aika 'mum' but you still refuse to call me 'dad'."
"You're not my dad."
"If I'm not your dad, what am I?"
"Mum's stupid boyfriend that she should have chucked years ago, dipshit!"
Tokio lost his temper, kicking the younger boy away from the threshold. "As long as I'm married to her, I am your father, like it or not! But you have to break her heart, refuse to accept it, insist on being Shimada's brat!" He approached Kai, grabbing his shirt and continuing to hit him. Still, Kai didn't fight back. "Do you even give a fuck? Aren't I better? You are a part of my family, Shimada, like it or not!"
Finally, he threw the redhead down and stepped back, going back inside. Tohko hurried to Shimada, as fast as her swollen belly and aching body allowed, but as she approached, she just made matters worse.
"Hey, look, Kai! Your little slut friend from school is here to rescue you! That one slut you never shut up about!"
And instantly, he was on his feet again, surging forward. "She's not a slut! Don't you dare call her that!" He finally went to fight back. Tohko was beginning to think he refused to because his mother loved this man, but that was no excuse.
Once again, Okamura Tokio threw his fist into Shimada Kai's face before he could get close. He seemed to know what he was doing, that was for sure. Kai paused, thinking things over for a moment. Once again, he was stood within easy reach of this man, supposedly his step-father? He wiped the blood away from his mouth and managed to speak.
"When I tell her all this, mum's gonna kill you."
Tokio laughed. It happened so quick that if she'd blinked, Tohko would have missed it. The man grabbed Kai's throat, at the same time sweeping his legs out from beneath him. He was clearly an athlete of some kind, but a very, very violent one. He squeezed gently, just enough to make Kai gasp for breath.
"Stop!" Tohko yelled before she could stop herself.
Tokio ignored her. "She's never believed you before. What in fuck's name makes you think your stupid mum would believe you now? All you are is that brat that breaks her heart and starts fights, finding any way he can to act out. I am her angelic husband. The entire block thinks I wouldn't hurt a fly. You're the only one in the world who drives me to this shit, Kai!"
Tohko reached the end of the drive. "Please stop! He can't breathe! Let him go!"
The man only just seemed to notice she was there, then spared a glance to his step-son's red face and desperate grasping for air. After a moment of considering, he threw the boy down. Kai curled over, taking great gulps of air before hiding his face in his hands.
"I never want to see you again, brat! Not unless you learn some fucking respect! And take your little slut girlfriend with you!" And with that, he slammed the door shut. Wincing, Tohko knelt down beside him, resting a hesitant hand on his shoulder. He was shaking, and every so often his shoulders jumped, accompanied by what sounded like sobbing, but may have been hiccups. Finally, whatever it was died down and he forced himself to sit up. The left side of his face was bruised, and he held himself in a way that betrayed the pain in his ribs. He ran something around in his mouth a moment before spitting something creamy white onto the pavement. A tooth. His step-father had knocked out at least one tooth. Tohko decided she wouldn't dwell on any other damage done.
"Are...are you okay?" Tohko asked hesitantly. Perhaps this was where Kai got his bad attitude from, although it sounded like his real father wasn't too good either. The redhead didn't respond, just stared at his tooth. It seemed like an eternity passed before she stood, bracing herself to force him up. The slight touch to his arm, however, and he dragged himself to one foot, however kept weight off of one. Sprained? Perfect.
She walked round to the sprained side and, though far shorter than him, offered her physical support. As she made her way back to Emi's, Kai followed obediently, not even asking where they were going. Perhaps he was just glad someone was helping him get away from there. Every step with his right foot became an awkward jump-skip thing, and it looked painful. When they finally reached Emi's house and Tohko unlocked the door, she called out.
"Urabe-san! I brought someone with me! Someone from school got beaten up, can you take a look at his ankle?"
Emi's father was a nurse, so it seemed like a fair request.
"Okay, just give me a minute, Tohko-san!" Came the reply. Tohko guided Kai to a sofa. The living room just had Emi's younger sister sat in front of the TV (dangerously close), watching some stupid show for little kids. When the two older students came in, she turned around and stared until Tohko shooed her, snapping that it was rude to stare (to which Urabe Aino responded with something even ruder before running off). A few moments of silence passed before Kai opened his mouth to speak. Tragically, at that moment, Emi's dad came in to check him over
"How did all this happen?" He asked the student, who shrugged, his cold and cool demeanour returning.
"Fighting."
"And Tohko brought you here? Normally she has no patience for kids like you, you know."
Tohko briefly wondered whether all his previous 'fights' were real or just him being hurt by his step-father. Kai glanced at her and reminded himself that she hated him.
"Does it hurt much when I do this?"
"Fuck! Ouch, yes!"
"It is pretty swollen...I'll get something to brace it. It should be better in six or so weeks, provided you don't get into any more fights."
"Six weeks?!"
"Although you look pretty beaten up. I hope you at least gave as good as you got. It might be worth staying off school a day or too to let the rest of the damage set and give yourself a little time to recover." He stood, moving toward the door. "I can give you a lift home later and explain the situation to your parents, but I think I'll let you explain about the fighting." With that, he left the room and Kai made a face at his back. After a moment, he turned to Tohko and made another face.
"What are you staring at, bitch?"
She shrugged and left the room, not wanting to lose her temper after what she had just witnessed. She waited by the front door for Emi, and when she returned, she decided to brief her on the situation before she saw anything for herself.
"Emi!" Aino called before Tohko could say anything. "Your friend from school is hot! The boy one, not your skank friend who lives here now!"
"Aino, don't say thinks like that!" Emi scolded, followed by similar words from her parents. She turned to Tohko, smirking. "Who's she talking about, do you know?"
"...Shimada." Kirisaki admitted bitterly. "But I guess Aino can have him. Anyway, speaking of Shimada-"
"Did you finally talk to him about the whole baby thing?"
"What? No! Just listen to me, okay?"
"So he still doesn't know?"
"No. But he's here, so keep your voice down."
"What's he doing in my house?!"
Tohko held her hands up to silence her friend. "Shhh! He was hurt, I brought him here since your dad's a nurse. I didn't have my phone and it was closer than the hospital." All true.
The rest of the afternoon was pretty average. At one point Kai interrupted the girls to ask where he could find a bathroom, and as soon as he returned, he went right for the front door. Tohko hurried to stop him.
"Where are you going?"
"Mum will be worrying about me."
"You can't go back there!"
He glanced at the floor before shrugging. "He won't do anything while she's there."
Tohko moved to stand in front of him, crossing her arms firmly. "Did your dad give you that gash on your forehead too? Urabe-san said it looks like you might need stitches, but you wouldn't let him look at it."
Anger flashed across his face. "That bastard is not my dad! My dad's off with his whore in Greece or something, I don't even care! Tokio will never, ever be my father! And what do you even care? You only want to help me because you pity me! You've always hated me, had to get so pissed you were practically comatose to show even the slightest affection, and apparently I'm too ugly for you to bother with! Oh, not to mention 'cheap fuck'. Great, thanks. I've loved you more than any other girl I've ever met in my life, no wonder it pisses me off so much when all you can do is gush over Kizami like he's some kind of sex god! You couldn't even be decent enough to tell me you were having my kid." With that last bitter utterance, he gently pushed her to the side and wrenched the front door open. Tohko had gone pale and stiff, but for all of those words all she could say was
"You knew?"
"You three were talking in a public place."
"You were listening to our conversation!"
"I had a right to know!"
"No you did not! It's my problem so you should butt out!"
"I just want to protect you!"
"I'm not the one who needs protection, you are!"
"I don't need protecting!" Without another word, he stormed out. Groaning, Tohko hid her head in her hands before following him. When she inevitably lost him, she told Emi to tail him (as she could run after him) and call her when she found him.
Kai hesitantly allowed himself into his home. The first thing he noticed was Tokio and Aika stood in the hall, one looking worried, the other furious.
"Kai! Have you been fighting again?" His mother hurried forward, cupping his chin in her hands. "You're limping!"
"It..." His eyes met with the cold grey orbs of his step-father. "It was Tokio..."
Aika stepped back at once, frowning. "Kai...I swear, we've talked about this. Your father wouldn't hurt a fly! He couldn't!"
"I'm sure, but Tokio could!"
"They're the same person!"
"No, no!" His voice was rising. He was trying to stay away from hysterics. Tokio was smirking. "Dad's in Greece! Every holiday he mails me, sometimes he includes gifts!" He gestured to the jewellery he was often seen wearing. "He cares, you don't. You're more fussed with keeping your bullshit abusive marriage alive no matter who else it hurts!"
"Where is this coming from?"
"You care more about him than your own son! You don't even care if he breaks every bone in my body as long as you can keep fucking him!"
His head snapped to the side, already throbbing cheek stinging with the slap his mother had just delivered.
"Don't you ever speak to me like that, Kai! I am your mother!"
He glared at her and his step-father for a moment or two before shaking his head. "You're not a very good one." He went to leave again.
"Where are you going?"
"Work. Remember? I work for a living!"
"Just...come straight back, okay?"
As if. The injuries he had received that day caused a problem with the whole modelling thing. He was let off early because he was covered in bruises, bandages and cuts barely clotting. It was dark out now and he was getting hungry, having given up his rights to a decent dinner with those last words to his mother. Not that that was any big disaster. Someone approached. He looked over, then to the ground. She was short, with long hair and a large build. Well, large...not really, but...
Tohko stopped just before him hesitantly. "Shimada?"
"What?"
Well, he responded, so that was a start. "Look, it took forever to find you, so..."
"So talk. You've gone to enough effort." He was still pissed off, but seemed reluctant to be too rude to the girl before him.
"I...I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I said, I'd had a hellish past few months and...kind of got convinced nobody would ever really love me, so I took it out on you. And as for the secrets, I just assumed you'd be like everyone else and you wouldn't want to be involved so there was no point in saying."
"I at least want you to be decent enough to tell me I'm going to be a father..."
"Even if you don't want it?"
"Yes-!" He cut himself off, running his hands over his face and through his hair, frustrated beyond belief. "In future, don't make important decisions for me. Please."
"Sure. You coming back to Emi's?"
He thought it over for a moment, and after that moment he gave a slight nod, reaching out to take Tohko's hand. "I'm hardly going to let a pregnant lady wander the streets alone."
"You wouldn't care about any other pregnant lady."
"Hey, they could end up giving birth to something almost as awesome as me."
She dug her elbow into his side. "Shut up."
"Make me."
"Is that a challenge?" She stopped, reaching up to take his chin in her hands.
"Maybe it is." He answered as she pulled him closer.
~*~*~*~*~
He spent that night on Emi's sofa. The next day he tried to set something up with some friends. Fukuroi was able to offer board, so that was that settled. Otherwise, he seemed to keep close to Kirisaki, and she kept close to him, each keeping their silent promise to protect the other. After all, they certainly had their dangers that needed facing. Tohko wasn't exactly on a friendly set of terms but it was enough, certainly.
Months passed along with seasons, summer turning into Autumn. Tohko watched herself grow in disdain, and Kai tailed after her with various words that may have been intended to make her feel better. They didn't work too well.
He had been setting aside his payment to try and afford a place to live so he didn't irritate his friends so much, and maybe so that Tohko wouldn't impose. It was highly unlikely that she would move in with him though. He decided to bring it up that weekend.
He'd started talking about the place he was going to buy (which was unfortunately a grotty little council estate to the south) and fix up so he could live there and even have the child round every now and then, when it wanted to come round if Tohko didn't want to keep him close to them. She wasn't listening fully. That day, she went into labour.
Kai found the one situation he definitely didn't want to be beside her with. Watching a girl squeeze a baby out was...well, it was bound to be absolutely disgusting. She threatened to chop his balls off if he didn't at least try and provide some support. It took a lot of goading to get him in there with her, and then she managed to break his finger.
It took over a day for the baby to actually come out, something that annoyed the students beyond belief. Shimada had to admit, the weird wrinkly thing they ended up with was..kinda cute, actually. Tohko lay in the hospital bed, holding their newborn to her chest, and Shimada sat behind her head, arms around her waist and helping to support the baby. They fell asleep like that, cuddled together. The first step of their undeniably hectic life.
Friday, 17 July 2015
Just A Little Care
Whoever was in charge of security at that hospital was an idiot. It had been far too easy to sneak out while his mother went on and on about all the 'horrible things' he did when 'upset', and threatened to have him sectioned when she thought he wasn't listening. He knew the basics of being sectioned. Locked on a ward, away from his friends. The last thing he needed was more separation and ostracising. It hadn't even been that bad to begin with. It wasn't like he was trying to kill himself. Just a little scratch to help relieve the pressure and pain. He'd been caught with the blade hovering over his arm and the shout his mother gave made him jump, caused the scratch to turn into a stab.
Blood everywhere, and now she was threatening to have him locked up when it was her fault!
While the doctors were in a flap, Morishige Sakutaro went home to pick up his school bag (his father was away on a business trip and his mother was threatening the hospital staff, so it was a safe bet), changed into his school uniform, thankful the long sleeves hid his fresh bandage (if only they could mask the pain as well. Moving his arm created an awkward jerk, and it was bound to be suspicious) and headed off to school, hopeful the doctors wouldn't check there. Heck, as far as they knew, no child enjoyed school enough to run there when they could have a free day off, and his parents knew he was being bullied there, so they would highly doubt he'd go there for the day after attempting to self harm.
He was aware he'd been a source of stress for his poor mother lately with his growing state of depression. He'd had days of refusing to get up because he just couldn't face the day ahead, days where he'd refused to eat or speak and had undoubtedly been a bit of a failure for her. She would shout that he had nothing to be depressed about as all through his life she had spoiled him rotten, then at the same time tell him to suck it up when he was bullied, even when he had been pushed off the stage in drama club and broken his ankle as a result. She would tell him to stop being such a baby, pull him out of bed on his off days and when really stressed she would even go far enough to force food down his throat before sending him off to school with tears in his eyes and bruises on his arms. It had started getting to the point where he was afraid to return home, but when he asked those he considered to be his friends if he could stay at their place for a night or two, they flat out ignored him.
Even running at top speed, Sakutaro arrived at Kisaragi Academy towards the end of second lesson. He'd hurriedly apologised for his lateness and taken his seat, ignoring the mix of concerned looks and sneers. Well, it wasn't like he'd always been the example of a model student.
Apart from that morning's trip to the hospital and listening to his mother ranting and raving about how she didn't want him, it was a pretty average day. He was tired and hungry throughout, but he could easily endure it, even when Komeda Tamotsu tried to trip him in the halls. Today, his friends decided to have lunch on the roof. He joined them, although he hadn't packed anything to eat. He just stated he didn't feel well, and that was why he had been late that day. Kishinuma joked that it was fair enough as long as Morishige didn't throw up on him, and Mochida bid him to get well soon.
If only he could be so lucky. He was sure he'd been ill since he'd first joined the academy. It hardly helped that the one student able to pull him out of his funk had transferred months ago. She had understood him, always offered kind words to combat the bullying the others rained upon him and practically adored him. She never blew him off when he was down to go watch the latest chick flick or slasher horror.
And unlike mother dearest, she never told him his passion for drama was stupid and pointless, and that he should drop it for something worthwhile. His mother wanted him to become something 'important', like a lawyer or a doctor. She hated the idea of her only son standing up on stage and entertaining hundreds. She never took his dreams seriously, told him to stop being stupid and get his head out of the clouds.
Okay, maybe he was a little bitter. He preferred hanging out with Mayu to being home with a good book any day of the week though.
He really didn't feel like talking to anyone today as they separated into little subgroups in front of him. Even so, the pretense that he was fine paid off. It meant they would still hang around him instead of bullying him for being weak and worthless like everyone else. He tried to join in with the conversation Mochida, Nakashima and Shinohara were having, but they didn't seem to notice he was there. Probably because he wasn't adding anything worthwhile, just standing there trying to get a feel for the conversation. He glanced over at Kishinuma and Shinozaki, but they seemed to be busy fighting. Nothing unusual there.
Just a general, shitty day.
After school, he wandered down by the park, but didn't go home. Home wasn't an option any more, he'd decided. His mother was terrifying and seemed to be out to get him because he wasn't 'grateful' enough. He sat on the swing set an hour or two before going to the shopping centre to use the bathroom and get a few sweets. Not very substantial, and he wouldn't eat them now. They would last a long time, though, and were good for a quick energy boost when he got really hungry. There was no way he'd be able to afford a hotel or decent place to sleep without getting a job first, so he had a choice. Sleep in the park or go to a friend's house late at night so they couldn't turn him down. The second option was liable to have their parents contact his, unless he went to Kishinuma. Kishinuma was unlikely to allow him in, but lived alone and wouldn't rat the runaway out and put him back in danger.
Either way, he would need to stay out a while longer, especially since Kishinuma worked late on Fridays. He had to admit, the prospect of a hot meal and warm bed was one he preferred to sleeping out in the icy autumn night with an empty belly. Of course, that was if Kishinuma was willing to share his food. It was more likely to be crashing on the couch with a few blankets and a glass of water. Still miles better than the alternatives.
Though, of all their usual group, the two of them were the ones who got on the worst. It was seeming more and more likely he'd have to settle for the worst case scenario, which just depressed him further. So it was with low spirits in the dark that night that he made his way to where he believed Kishinuma lived. Midway there, it began to rain. A veritable storm, with thunder and lightning and all. He hugged himself tight for warmth as the cold winds blew through his loose uniform. The rain quickly spattered over his glasses, compromising his sight, but eventually he found the covered area outside the public estate his delinquent classmate lived. Half an hour of locating the corresponding door bell and another 10 minutes non stop ringing later, and he realised it was a lost cause.
He went back the other way eventually, hands in his pockets, head down. It was so cold outside. If he didn't find a decent shelter he would likely catch hypothermia, and he hadn't factored in school with his little runaway plan. He would be reported missing but still turn up at school, and not only that but every morning he would be a disgusting mess of mud three inches thick. The amount of weight he was bound to lose would put him in trouble as well. Sure, his weight was like a yo-yo now, rocketing between underweight and healthy at an alarming rate, but if he lived in the park of all places with just enough money for a few sweets he'd be starved in no time flat. Being caught and taken in scared him. He could end up back with his mother, with foster parents who could even treat him worse or in the hospital ward. Each fear was greater than the last and ran around and around his head. This was a stupid idea to begin with, but he'd felt like he had little other choice. He couldn't go home, he just couldn't! He couldn't go back there. He still had those ugly purple bruises on his arms and chin from mother's last fit of anger towards his depressed state. Before he knew it, tears were tracking down his cheeks, and no amount of wiping and biting his tongue could stop them. He couldn't even stop a small sob escaping his throat. Once again, his pointless life had reached a dead end. He stopped walking, finding himself on a high bridge over a deep, fast running river. He watched it for a while, hands clasped before him as he tried to calm himself down. It didn't work. He just kept thinking about the worst things, the hell his life had become, what he would undoubtedly be met with the next morning...more relentless teasing he couldn't handle and kidding himself that he was friends with those people who ignored him while allowing him to stand and listen to their conversations, those friends he had nothing in common with and couldn't really speak to.
He'd never even told Mayu he'd had thoughts so dark, like the one he had there and then as he stared down at the rushing water and thought that a river that fast and that deep could trap him in the current and take his life and worries away. Swallowing hard, he vaulted the rail, being swift and not hesitating so none of the people driving past would have time to get out and stop him.
~*~*~*~*~
Yoshiki had had a really long day. School and work had been irritating as ever, not to mention the sucker punch Ayumi had given him earlier. Still hurt. After that, there had been the wonderful world of working later than normal to make up for a couple of no shows. He'd better get paid overtime for this.
Oh, yes, and now it was absolutely pissing it down. A few steps away from work and already he was soaked. He still had a while to go before he got home. By the time he reached a familiar bridge, he was soaked down to his underwear, his jacket streaming with water it couldn't hold. He wasn't on the bridge yet, but he could see a lone figure stood by the rail, no umbrella or hood. Likely just as soaked. Not that it mattered. He was in a foul mood and another person's discomfort was no concern of his.
At least until the figure on the bridge vaulted the rail and leaped into the water. Yoshiki stared for a moment in shock, waiting for the man to resurface, however when it became clear he wouldn't, he skidded down the bank, wading into the water and as soon as he could, diving in.
Books, sweets and various writing implements washed down the river, and he took a deep breath before going under, searching semi-blindly for the figure who had fallen. All too soon, it seemed like his lungs were burning, but he kept searching until his arms closed around something he hoped was the person's waist. He pulled him up and took a deep breath. He couldn't tell if the other person was breathing or not. He was young, fairly tall and had dark hair. It was a struggle, but Yoshiki was able to drag the limp form to the bank. Someone had seen the boy go over the rails and stopped his car to call an ambulance, thank god. It was dark, hard to see the boy's features. He leaned down to check if the boy was breathing before beginning to push down on the boy's chest. (No way in hell was he going to give this kid mouth to mouth.) The rain kept coming down and after his dip he was freezing and the none too pleasant smell of lake was soaking into him. With every passing second, more and more things that could kill the dark boy who jumped came to Yoshiki's attention. With every passing second, things seemed more and more hopeless.
Some time later, he sat in the waiting area of the emergency department. The boy had been taken to hospital in an ambulance, and seeing the Kisaragi Academy uniform on his body, though soaked and rumpled, Yoshiki had insisted on going with. Besides which, he too needed to be treated for hypothermia. So there he sat, dried off and somewhat warmer, waiting to hear some news on the boy he had dragged out of the river on instinct.
"Kishinuma-kun?"
He looked up as the familiar voice reached his ears. "Shinozaki?" There Ayumi stood, looking concerned.
"Are you okay? What happened, why are you at the hospital?"
"It's...I went into the river by the swim centre."
"Why on Earth would you do something so stupid?"
"Someone jumped off the bridge." He answered before he could stop himself.
"...Who...?"
"I don't know." He admitted. "I didn't want to look at his face...in case it was someone we knew."
"Was he from...?"
"Kisaragi? Yeah..." She went to sit beside him and it occurred to him that she too was in the emergency department. "Why are you here anyway, Shinozaki?"
"My mum burnt herself. I came here with her to make sure she's okay."
He nodded, looking around somewhat miserably. Eventually, a doctor came through, saying they'd stabilised the near-drowned student, but hadn't found any ID on him as his belongings had all been washed away. Yoshiki agreed to go see the other boy, see if he could identify the boy. If he was a friend, Shinozaki would want to see him too. Walking through, he found he could identify the boy at once.
"Morishige?"
Sakutaro opened one eye, but without his glasses, it was clear he couldn't see too well. He had been changed into a dry hospital gown and had plenty of blankets to keep him warm. An oxygen mask was situated over his mouth and nose, and he was still very pale, making the mess of scratches, old and new, on his arms stand out magnificently.
"...Kishinuma..."
"...How are you feeling?"
"...Cold..."
Well, that made sense at least. A doctor came over, a man at least in his 30's with light brown hair in a ponytail.
"Did you say his name was Morishige? His first name wouldn't happen to be Sakutaro, would it?"
"Yes." Yoshiki answered, while at the same time Sakutaro said "No."
They stared at one another and Morishige dragged a finger across his neck, telling the blond boy to keep quiet. The doctor arched an eyebrow.
"No." Yoshiki corrected. "His name is...Satoshi." He managed, thinking fast. "They look a bit alike...I didn't quite recognise him...with the...mask..." It was a pretty transparent lie, but the doctor nodded and turned away nonetheless.
"The two of you have been here quite a while. You must be starving. I'll see if I can get something for you." And with that, he left. Thank god. Yoshiki sat down.
"What was that all about?"
"I was in the hospital this morning...that's why I was late into school. I sneaked out when my mother started to threaten to have me locked up in an asylum..."
"She what?" At least he didn't ask what he was in hospital for...although taking everything into account, he could probably make a good guess.
"That's why I was out this late...I'm not going home with her."
"...That's why you keep asking to stay the night with everyone..." He nodded, and I found my eyes drawn to the door. "Ayumi's here...I sort of told her I'd pulled a Kisaragi student from the river and she's pretty worried...mind if she comes in to see you?"
He shook his head. As Yoshiki stood, Morishige stopped him. "Kishinuma...could you get me something to eat from one of the vending machines?"
"The doctor's bringing you dinner."
"Hospital food is vile. Last time I ate some the taste alone was enough to make me throw up." He turned away, reaching down as though to get his bag. "I'll even pay for it...wait, fuck, my bag's not here..."
"Your stuff's probably still in the river, sorry. Couldn't grab it all."
He lay down, cuddling up to his blankets. "You pulled me out, that in itself is...pretty big."
He didn't seem to resent it even though it had been a clear suicide attempt. "I'll see what I can do food-wise."
"Thanks, I haven't had a bite for ages."
Yoshiki nodded, leaving the room and looking for a vending machine on his way back to Ayumi. She came to meet him as he came back to the waiting room.
"How did it go?"
"He's okay. He'll live at least, and he doesn't seem brain damaged." He looked into the vending machine, trying to think what Morishige might like. "Just...scared."
"Scared?"
"He really doesn't want me to give the doctors his real name."
"What's he afraid of?" Then a pause before "You still haven't told me his name!"
"It's Morishige. I think he's scared of his mum." He picked up the chocolate and crisps he'd gotten and led the way back to the ward.
"Morishige?" Shinozaki asked uncertainly as he approached. He glanced over, looking surprised.
"You don't often talk to me." He pointed out dully, startling both his visitors. Realising he'd said something wrong, he apologised softly.
"No, don't be...I just don't like to feel like I'm bothering you is all." She answered. "I don't want to put you in a bad mood."
"...Can I talk to you frankly?"
She gave a slight nod, sitting beside him. "Go ahead. I'm always willing to lend a listening ear and supporting shoulder when needed."
Morishige regarded her curiously before nodding, deciding to trust her.
"I've been asking around for places to stay but no-one can take me in...Suzumoto is too far to ask out of the blue, especially if it yielded only one night...I can't go home. Remember when I said Minami gave me the bruises on my arms and face?" She nodded and he continued. "I lied. I'm sure mother just wanted what was best, but she can get rough when stressed. She's not abusive, she doesn't hit me...but she hates me. She's told me she doesn't want me around. I'm this close to getting kicked out simply because I keep pursuing my dreams with drama...so this was really a long time coming...I don't think I can talk to anyone anyway...and with Minami and Komeda and all that lot constantly trying to beat me senseless, I don't get why I still come to school. I keep hoping that if I stay near you five, I can have someone to talk to, someone to keep me out of this dark space I can't seem to escape...but it doesn't work. I feel like I don't fit in...I feel like I just get in everyone's way."
Shinozaki took his hand and gave it a tight squeeze. "You don't. You...you're just a tricky guy to get...but then depressed people tend to wear a mask, so I don't blame you. You probably aren't even aware you have that mask set up to protect yourself. You're our friend though, Morishige-kun, we love having you around, we really do."
Yoshiki offered the chocolate in his hand and sighed. "I didn't realise it was like that, man. I know what it's like when parents get...nasty. There's spare room at my place, but you probably won't like it there. It's not exactly top quality."
Sakutaro shrugged, tearing open the packaging with starving hands. "I don't care any more."
Suddenly, a bright smile appeared on Ayumi's face. "I know! We haven't seen Mayu in ages, none of us have! We should all arrange a big group outing! It'll be great to have the whole gang together again and it might help keep you in high spirits."
"And we're hardly going to let them lock you on a psych ward." Yoshiki pointed out, smirking. "We'd miss your endless nitpicking keeping us boys from doing something completely stupid." He laughed, but nobody joined in. They were silent for a moment before Morishige looked away.
"Shinozaki...please stop staring at my arms..."
"Sorry..."
"Can...can you both stay a little longer?"
Ayumi and Yoshiki exchanged glances and the latter shrugged, taking a seat. "I have nowhere to go. Staying here with a friend sounds way better than going back out in the rain even for a second. Besides, this place offered me free food, I'm not saying no to that."
This time his joke at least got a smile. Shinozaki hesitated.
"I'm here with my mum, but I'd love to stay if I can though."
"I...appreciate that." Sakutaro mused, hugging his knees to his chest. At least he had back up to keep the doctors from calling his parents. At least he had friends he could talk to and who cared about him.
Blood everywhere, and now she was threatening to have him locked up when it was her fault!
While the doctors were in a flap, Morishige Sakutaro went home to pick up his school bag (his father was away on a business trip and his mother was threatening the hospital staff, so it was a safe bet), changed into his school uniform, thankful the long sleeves hid his fresh bandage (if only they could mask the pain as well. Moving his arm created an awkward jerk, and it was bound to be suspicious) and headed off to school, hopeful the doctors wouldn't check there. Heck, as far as they knew, no child enjoyed school enough to run there when they could have a free day off, and his parents knew he was being bullied there, so they would highly doubt he'd go there for the day after attempting to self harm.
He was aware he'd been a source of stress for his poor mother lately with his growing state of depression. He'd had days of refusing to get up because he just couldn't face the day ahead, days where he'd refused to eat or speak and had undoubtedly been a bit of a failure for her. She would shout that he had nothing to be depressed about as all through his life she had spoiled him rotten, then at the same time tell him to suck it up when he was bullied, even when he had been pushed off the stage in drama club and broken his ankle as a result. She would tell him to stop being such a baby, pull him out of bed on his off days and when really stressed she would even go far enough to force food down his throat before sending him off to school with tears in his eyes and bruises on his arms. It had started getting to the point where he was afraid to return home, but when he asked those he considered to be his friends if he could stay at their place for a night or two, they flat out ignored him.
Even running at top speed, Sakutaro arrived at Kisaragi Academy towards the end of second lesson. He'd hurriedly apologised for his lateness and taken his seat, ignoring the mix of concerned looks and sneers. Well, it wasn't like he'd always been the example of a model student.
Apart from that morning's trip to the hospital and listening to his mother ranting and raving about how she didn't want him, it was a pretty average day. He was tired and hungry throughout, but he could easily endure it, even when Komeda Tamotsu tried to trip him in the halls. Today, his friends decided to have lunch on the roof. He joined them, although he hadn't packed anything to eat. He just stated he didn't feel well, and that was why he had been late that day. Kishinuma joked that it was fair enough as long as Morishige didn't throw up on him, and Mochida bid him to get well soon.
If only he could be so lucky. He was sure he'd been ill since he'd first joined the academy. It hardly helped that the one student able to pull him out of his funk had transferred months ago. She had understood him, always offered kind words to combat the bullying the others rained upon him and practically adored him. She never blew him off when he was down to go watch the latest chick flick or slasher horror.
And unlike mother dearest, she never told him his passion for drama was stupid and pointless, and that he should drop it for something worthwhile. His mother wanted him to become something 'important', like a lawyer or a doctor. She hated the idea of her only son standing up on stage and entertaining hundreds. She never took his dreams seriously, told him to stop being stupid and get his head out of the clouds.
Okay, maybe he was a little bitter. He preferred hanging out with Mayu to being home with a good book any day of the week though.
He really didn't feel like talking to anyone today as they separated into little subgroups in front of him. Even so, the pretense that he was fine paid off. It meant they would still hang around him instead of bullying him for being weak and worthless like everyone else. He tried to join in with the conversation Mochida, Nakashima and Shinohara were having, but they didn't seem to notice he was there. Probably because he wasn't adding anything worthwhile, just standing there trying to get a feel for the conversation. He glanced over at Kishinuma and Shinozaki, but they seemed to be busy fighting. Nothing unusual there.
Just a general, shitty day.
After school, he wandered down by the park, but didn't go home. Home wasn't an option any more, he'd decided. His mother was terrifying and seemed to be out to get him because he wasn't 'grateful' enough. He sat on the swing set an hour or two before going to the shopping centre to use the bathroom and get a few sweets. Not very substantial, and he wouldn't eat them now. They would last a long time, though, and were good for a quick energy boost when he got really hungry. There was no way he'd be able to afford a hotel or decent place to sleep without getting a job first, so he had a choice. Sleep in the park or go to a friend's house late at night so they couldn't turn him down. The second option was liable to have their parents contact his, unless he went to Kishinuma. Kishinuma was unlikely to allow him in, but lived alone and wouldn't rat the runaway out and put him back in danger.
Either way, he would need to stay out a while longer, especially since Kishinuma worked late on Fridays. He had to admit, the prospect of a hot meal and warm bed was one he preferred to sleeping out in the icy autumn night with an empty belly. Of course, that was if Kishinuma was willing to share his food. It was more likely to be crashing on the couch with a few blankets and a glass of water. Still miles better than the alternatives.
Though, of all their usual group, the two of them were the ones who got on the worst. It was seeming more and more likely he'd have to settle for the worst case scenario, which just depressed him further. So it was with low spirits in the dark that night that he made his way to where he believed Kishinuma lived. Midway there, it began to rain. A veritable storm, with thunder and lightning and all. He hugged himself tight for warmth as the cold winds blew through his loose uniform. The rain quickly spattered over his glasses, compromising his sight, but eventually he found the covered area outside the public estate his delinquent classmate lived. Half an hour of locating the corresponding door bell and another 10 minutes non stop ringing later, and he realised it was a lost cause.
He went back the other way eventually, hands in his pockets, head down. It was so cold outside. If he didn't find a decent shelter he would likely catch hypothermia, and he hadn't factored in school with his little runaway plan. He would be reported missing but still turn up at school, and not only that but every morning he would be a disgusting mess of mud three inches thick. The amount of weight he was bound to lose would put him in trouble as well. Sure, his weight was like a yo-yo now, rocketing between underweight and healthy at an alarming rate, but if he lived in the park of all places with just enough money for a few sweets he'd be starved in no time flat. Being caught and taken in scared him. He could end up back with his mother, with foster parents who could even treat him worse or in the hospital ward. Each fear was greater than the last and ran around and around his head. This was a stupid idea to begin with, but he'd felt like he had little other choice. He couldn't go home, he just couldn't! He couldn't go back there. He still had those ugly purple bruises on his arms and chin from mother's last fit of anger towards his depressed state. Before he knew it, tears were tracking down his cheeks, and no amount of wiping and biting his tongue could stop them. He couldn't even stop a small sob escaping his throat. Once again, his pointless life had reached a dead end. He stopped walking, finding himself on a high bridge over a deep, fast running river. He watched it for a while, hands clasped before him as he tried to calm himself down. It didn't work. He just kept thinking about the worst things, the hell his life had become, what he would undoubtedly be met with the next morning...more relentless teasing he couldn't handle and kidding himself that he was friends with those people who ignored him while allowing him to stand and listen to their conversations, those friends he had nothing in common with and couldn't really speak to.
He'd never even told Mayu he'd had thoughts so dark, like the one he had there and then as he stared down at the rushing water and thought that a river that fast and that deep could trap him in the current and take his life and worries away. Swallowing hard, he vaulted the rail, being swift and not hesitating so none of the people driving past would have time to get out and stop him.
~*~*~*~*~
Yoshiki had had a really long day. School and work had been irritating as ever, not to mention the sucker punch Ayumi had given him earlier. Still hurt. After that, there had been the wonderful world of working later than normal to make up for a couple of no shows. He'd better get paid overtime for this.
Oh, yes, and now it was absolutely pissing it down. A few steps away from work and already he was soaked. He still had a while to go before he got home. By the time he reached a familiar bridge, he was soaked down to his underwear, his jacket streaming with water it couldn't hold. He wasn't on the bridge yet, but he could see a lone figure stood by the rail, no umbrella or hood. Likely just as soaked. Not that it mattered. He was in a foul mood and another person's discomfort was no concern of his.
At least until the figure on the bridge vaulted the rail and leaped into the water. Yoshiki stared for a moment in shock, waiting for the man to resurface, however when it became clear he wouldn't, he skidded down the bank, wading into the water and as soon as he could, diving in.
Books, sweets and various writing implements washed down the river, and he took a deep breath before going under, searching semi-blindly for the figure who had fallen. All too soon, it seemed like his lungs were burning, but he kept searching until his arms closed around something he hoped was the person's waist. He pulled him up and took a deep breath. He couldn't tell if the other person was breathing or not. He was young, fairly tall and had dark hair. It was a struggle, but Yoshiki was able to drag the limp form to the bank. Someone had seen the boy go over the rails and stopped his car to call an ambulance, thank god. It was dark, hard to see the boy's features. He leaned down to check if the boy was breathing before beginning to push down on the boy's chest. (No way in hell was he going to give this kid mouth to mouth.) The rain kept coming down and after his dip he was freezing and the none too pleasant smell of lake was soaking into him. With every passing second, more and more things that could kill the dark boy who jumped came to Yoshiki's attention. With every passing second, things seemed more and more hopeless.
Some time later, he sat in the waiting area of the emergency department. The boy had been taken to hospital in an ambulance, and seeing the Kisaragi Academy uniform on his body, though soaked and rumpled, Yoshiki had insisted on going with. Besides which, he too needed to be treated for hypothermia. So there he sat, dried off and somewhat warmer, waiting to hear some news on the boy he had dragged out of the river on instinct.
"Kishinuma-kun?"
He looked up as the familiar voice reached his ears. "Shinozaki?" There Ayumi stood, looking concerned.
"Are you okay? What happened, why are you at the hospital?"
"It's...I went into the river by the swim centre."
"Why on Earth would you do something so stupid?"
"Someone jumped off the bridge." He answered before he could stop himself.
"...Who...?"
"I don't know." He admitted. "I didn't want to look at his face...in case it was someone we knew."
"Was he from...?"
"Kisaragi? Yeah..." She went to sit beside him and it occurred to him that she too was in the emergency department. "Why are you here anyway, Shinozaki?"
"My mum burnt herself. I came here with her to make sure she's okay."
He nodded, looking around somewhat miserably. Eventually, a doctor came through, saying they'd stabilised the near-drowned student, but hadn't found any ID on him as his belongings had all been washed away. Yoshiki agreed to go see the other boy, see if he could identify the boy. If he was a friend, Shinozaki would want to see him too. Walking through, he found he could identify the boy at once.
"Morishige?"
Sakutaro opened one eye, but without his glasses, it was clear he couldn't see too well. He had been changed into a dry hospital gown and had plenty of blankets to keep him warm. An oxygen mask was situated over his mouth and nose, and he was still very pale, making the mess of scratches, old and new, on his arms stand out magnificently.
"...Kishinuma..."
"...How are you feeling?"
"...Cold..."
Well, that made sense at least. A doctor came over, a man at least in his 30's with light brown hair in a ponytail.
"Did you say his name was Morishige? His first name wouldn't happen to be Sakutaro, would it?"
"Yes." Yoshiki answered, while at the same time Sakutaro said "No."
They stared at one another and Morishige dragged a finger across his neck, telling the blond boy to keep quiet. The doctor arched an eyebrow.
"No." Yoshiki corrected. "His name is...Satoshi." He managed, thinking fast. "They look a bit alike...I didn't quite recognise him...with the...mask..." It was a pretty transparent lie, but the doctor nodded and turned away nonetheless.
"The two of you have been here quite a while. You must be starving. I'll see if I can get something for you." And with that, he left. Thank god. Yoshiki sat down.
"What was that all about?"
"I was in the hospital this morning...that's why I was late into school. I sneaked out when my mother started to threaten to have me locked up in an asylum..."
"She what?" At least he didn't ask what he was in hospital for...although taking everything into account, he could probably make a good guess.
"That's why I was out this late...I'm not going home with her."
"...That's why you keep asking to stay the night with everyone..." He nodded, and I found my eyes drawn to the door. "Ayumi's here...I sort of told her I'd pulled a Kisaragi student from the river and she's pretty worried...mind if she comes in to see you?"
He shook his head. As Yoshiki stood, Morishige stopped him. "Kishinuma...could you get me something to eat from one of the vending machines?"
"The doctor's bringing you dinner."
"Hospital food is vile. Last time I ate some the taste alone was enough to make me throw up." He turned away, reaching down as though to get his bag. "I'll even pay for it...wait, fuck, my bag's not here..."
"Your stuff's probably still in the river, sorry. Couldn't grab it all."
He lay down, cuddling up to his blankets. "You pulled me out, that in itself is...pretty big."
He didn't seem to resent it even though it had been a clear suicide attempt. "I'll see what I can do food-wise."
"Thanks, I haven't had a bite for ages."
Yoshiki nodded, leaving the room and looking for a vending machine on his way back to Ayumi. She came to meet him as he came back to the waiting room.
"How did it go?"
"He's okay. He'll live at least, and he doesn't seem brain damaged." He looked into the vending machine, trying to think what Morishige might like. "Just...scared."
"Scared?"
"He really doesn't want me to give the doctors his real name."
"What's he afraid of?" Then a pause before "You still haven't told me his name!"
"It's Morishige. I think he's scared of his mum." He picked up the chocolate and crisps he'd gotten and led the way back to the ward.
"Morishige?" Shinozaki asked uncertainly as he approached. He glanced over, looking surprised.
"You don't often talk to me." He pointed out dully, startling both his visitors. Realising he'd said something wrong, he apologised softly.
"No, don't be...I just don't like to feel like I'm bothering you is all." She answered. "I don't want to put you in a bad mood."
"...Can I talk to you frankly?"
She gave a slight nod, sitting beside him. "Go ahead. I'm always willing to lend a listening ear and supporting shoulder when needed."
Morishige regarded her curiously before nodding, deciding to trust her.
"I've been asking around for places to stay but no-one can take me in...Suzumoto is too far to ask out of the blue, especially if it yielded only one night...I can't go home. Remember when I said Minami gave me the bruises on my arms and face?" She nodded and he continued. "I lied. I'm sure mother just wanted what was best, but she can get rough when stressed. She's not abusive, she doesn't hit me...but she hates me. She's told me she doesn't want me around. I'm this close to getting kicked out simply because I keep pursuing my dreams with drama...so this was really a long time coming...I don't think I can talk to anyone anyway...and with Minami and Komeda and all that lot constantly trying to beat me senseless, I don't get why I still come to school. I keep hoping that if I stay near you five, I can have someone to talk to, someone to keep me out of this dark space I can't seem to escape...but it doesn't work. I feel like I don't fit in...I feel like I just get in everyone's way."
Shinozaki took his hand and gave it a tight squeeze. "You don't. You...you're just a tricky guy to get...but then depressed people tend to wear a mask, so I don't blame you. You probably aren't even aware you have that mask set up to protect yourself. You're our friend though, Morishige-kun, we love having you around, we really do."
Yoshiki offered the chocolate in his hand and sighed. "I didn't realise it was like that, man. I know what it's like when parents get...nasty. There's spare room at my place, but you probably won't like it there. It's not exactly top quality."
Sakutaro shrugged, tearing open the packaging with starving hands. "I don't care any more."
Suddenly, a bright smile appeared on Ayumi's face. "I know! We haven't seen Mayu in ages, none of us have! We should all arrange a big group outing! It'll be great to have the whole gang together again and it might help keep you in high spirits."
"And we're hardly going to let them lock you on a psych ward." Yoshiki pointed out, smirking. "We'd miss your endless nitpicking keeping us boys from doing something completely stupid." He laughed, but nobody joined in. They were silent for a moment before Morishige looked away.
"Shinozaki...please stop staring at my arms..."
"Sorry..."
"Can...can you both stay a little longer?"
Ayumi and Yoshiki exchanged glances and the latter shrugged, taking a seat. "I have nowhere to go. Staying here with a friend sounds way better than going back out in the rain even for a second. Besides, this place offered me free food, I'm not saying no to that."
This time his joke at least got a smile. Shinozaki hesitated.
"I'm here with my mum, but I'd love to stay if I can though."
"I...appreciate that." Sakutaro mused, hugging his knees to his chest. At least he had back up to keep the doctors from calling his parents. At least he had friends he could talk to and who cared about him.
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