Unaverage Love

It seemed to Hiro that he would never find someone he was compatible with. He would forever be a meister without a weapon. Still, perhaps that would suit him down to the ground. Perhaps he should just give up and chase a different path in life. Well, his parents wouldn't approve, that much he knew, but he had been a failure in their eyes for a very long time. He was a failure in everyone's eyes. Heck, he might as well give up on life altogether.

Being a weapon's meister had actually been one of his dreams, after all. The last dream he could cling to. He thought all this over as his pen flashed across paper in the middle of class. He wasn't paying any attention to the lesson, not really. Just thinking about how nothing ever seemed to go right, about how every option slammed shut on him, ran through his fingers like sand. Just as he thought he may get somewhere, may finally succeed, everything would flip on him and dump him back into that age old despair. Not that he'd admit that to anyone. Not that they'd care much if he did. Yet another failure had just been added to his books and he wanted nothing more than to lie in bed, sleep and never wake up again. At least maybe asleep he could live his dreams.

He left the classroom with the rest of the student body, recreating motions of old like clockwork. Between classrooms, dormitories, restrooms and whatnot. He passed the missions board without a single glance, averting his eyes from everyone he passed, just waiting for the school day to be over. God, the sooner he could throw himself under his duvet and pretend nothing existed, the better. His mind was running over hundreds of what ifs, from what if he'd taken his mother's advice and pursued a career in accounting to what if he'd never been born. There was a familiar sting in the back of his eyes. Tears that came to him with his darker thoughts but that were never shed. He'd never cried in public, not since he was an infant. He always ensured he was alone beforehand, if he ever took the time to let his emotions loose. It just...never seemed safe to. If he dared let loose, anyone who caught on or happened to witness it would make his life even worse, he was sure of it.

Still, holding back emotion wasn't easy. It was like building a temporary dam before a raging rapid. The damn would never hold forever. It was weak, and got weaker and weaker by the second, until finally the splinters and cracks that run along it blast apart, and everything flows forward in a rage stronger than ever before. It wouldn't be a pleasant sight to see and would likely result in dripping snot. Fearing that sight being seen by another breathing soul, he quickened his pace, weaving in and out of other students seamlessly, as though this slalom had been practiced hundreds of times before. He took the stairs two at a time, snapping at himself internally for taking so damned long.

It was halfway to the dormitory, emotions already starting to break free of his internal dam, when he realised he'd forgotten his stupid bag. An entire, great, big bag, abandoned on the desk in one of the classrooms, like a complete genius. It wasn't the first time he'd done something absolutely 'genius', not by a long shot. It wasn't even the dumbest thing he'd done. No, that was a story he didn't want to recount. He paused and wiped his eyes, considering things for a moment. It would be better to go back and get it when he was a little less emotional. By then the school would be mostly deserted, apart from a few stragglers and people who also had secrets they wanted no-one to know. No-one would question him. Still, he would hurry in and out.

Until then, he stepped into the shower, fully clothed and with a pillow to muffle his frustrated screaming. He made sure to sit away from the spray of water and for good measure turned on the radio, ensuring no-one would hear this somewhat loud emotional outburst. God damn it, sometimes he hated himself so much. The useless, failure side, the worthless part that constantly ensured he'd never succeed, and ensured everyone around him said the same. The part of him that earned him the degrading title of 'worst meister'. Like he needed even more ridicule. Ah, but supply was clearly much higher than demand. He would probably forever be the pathetic one nobody liked. The one on the sidelines, the one everyone else used to further themselves. His failures were their successes, and so it was only ever a problem for him.

It was starting to get dark when he finally emerged from the bathroom and started slowly on back to the school. For some reason, when he got inside, he wanted to get out quickly as possible. Perhaps it was that he wasn't supposed to be there that late, and the idea of breaking the rules rang badly with part of his subconscious. He once again hurried through the halls, ignoring the ill feeling in his gut as best he could. He was just here to get his bag, that was all, no problem there. After all, he needed his wallet tonight if he wanted something to eat (which he didn't, he wasn't feeling hungry, but it would still make a fair excuse), so surely he couldn't get in trouble.

Not unless he caught his foot while running up the stairs, ended up falling on his face, striking the most sensitive point on his head hard against the edge of a step and blacking out, possibly even leaving a little blood on the staircase. Then when someone found his unconscious body, he might end up getting in a bit of hot water, especially if nothing more than a staircase and his own clumsiness knocked him out.

As just that happened, he had just about enough time to think a stream of curses before losing consciousness.

~*~*~*~*~

Jacqueline didn't really have any excuse for being there that late, other than to spend more time being her usual supportive-best-friend-self with Kim. Somewhere along the way, she'd gotten roped into helping a member of staff transport boxes of supplies while Kim escaped to her nice, warm bed. Suffice to say, she was not amused as she transported another box between classrooms. Dumping the box on a nearby desk, she turned and leaned against it, getting her breath back and glancing around. The same old empty desks and stupid board, and a pristine white side bag stuffed to the brim, dumped unceremoniously on the floor.

Wait a second, that shouldn't have been there. Scowling, she went to check it out, flicking open the flap and taking out a few items to check them for names. A few interesting novels, a notebook full of nonsensical writing, class notes and strange doodles, a pair of muddy gym shoes, a relatively light wallet...was there a library card inside? God, she hoped the owner didn't come in to see her snooping and accuse her of stealing or something.

Then again, locating the library card told him it was just Hiro. No bother there. She piled everything back inside and picked up the bag, deciding she could just drop it off at the boys' dorm on the way back, or hand it in to a member of staff to ensure the boy got it back eventually. God, it was heavy. How many stupid legend books did he have in there anyway? Heaving a sigh, she ambled away from the classroom, back to the stairs. It took her a while to notice there was someone lying there, a puddle of drool and a drop or two of blood near his head. Immediately, she dumped the bag and went to the boy's side

Hiro again. Honestly, that boy was a walking disaster. Sighing, she thumped him on the back. "Hey, wake up."

No response. Predictably. He was out like a goddamn light. Then again, his head didn't look in best shape. Sighing again, she heaved him up by the arms, pulling him to the closest piece of level floor. It looked like he'd managed to twist his ankle as well, but otherwise that was it. There was a little dried blood on his wrist, but that couldn't have been caused by the fall. Possibly scratched it on something in passing. She had no intention of thinking of alternative causes. Nope, not interested. She didn't want to know anything about his secret feelings anyway, no matter how...sad they may be. Anyway, looking at the gash on his head, she decided she ought to get him to the nurse's office. She bent down to lift him, and unexpectedly, he clung to her as she got him off the ground, groaning as he came to.
"Hiro?"
Unaware of where he was or who was holding him at first, he snuggled into her. He was still half trailing across the ground, and she tried to get him to stand. God, he was heavy.
"Hiro! Let go of me."
His eyes fluttered open and he groaned again, one hand flying to his head, the other staying wrapped around Jacqueline's shoulders. He still seemed...not totally there. "Hang on...hang on..."

He waited a moment for the world to realign itself, then stepped away from the girl only to stumble on his injured ankle and fall with a yelp. Jacqueline rolled her eyes as he rubbed the offending joint. Every movement sent another throb of pain through some part of his body. After a moment, the lantern girl pulled him up again. "Please tell me these injuries weren't just you being clumsy, doofus."
He was silent for a moment, following her along. "Perhaps, but I guess that's why I was thinking of leaving."
She stopped then, turning to fix him with a none-too-pleased expression. "Leaving?"
"Not really doing much around here. I might just go home and try my hand at...being an accountant."
She looked at him for a long moment. "Or you could do something you'd enjoy. Preferably anything that doesn't make you pull a face at the mere mention."
"It doesn't make me pull a face!"
"Accountant." She stated loudly, watching his face contort in disgust. She repeated the unpleasant word a few times to help get her point across.
"Okay! Fine, I don't want to do any stupid mundane job, leave me alone!"
"What do you want to be?"
"A weapon's meister..."
"Then...why leave?"
"It's not really worth staying here." He answered with a shrug. "I never really get anywhere is all. Unless deeper in the magical hole of self-hatred counts." He muttered the last part to himself, but their close proximity meant Jacqueline still heard it. Once again, she found herself uttering an exasperated sigh.
"You just haven't found your niche yet. Maybe your failure to resonate souls with anyone just means you've got a special wavelength. Maybe you're destined for great things and you need to find the partner who's just as powerful and, um, unusual." All the words sounded thick and strange coming from her mouth, but the guy was clearly in a dark place.
"Yeah, sure." He muttered, clearly not having any faith. Then again, neither did she. The rest of the journey to the nurse's office was in silence.

At first, it seemed nobody was there. Jackie sat Hiro down on one of the beds and looked him over. He gazed back with a dull look, as though he couldn't care less what happened next. Rolling her eyes, Jackie turned away, rummaging around until she came back with some sticky plasters. She placed one on his forehead, and despite the resulting wince, then went on to grab his hands and roll back his sleeves, ensuring the cuts on his arms were protected as well. "You know, everyone's got a future out there." She told him as she worked to wash away any excess blood. "It just takes a hell of a lot to find it." He arched an eyebrow quizzically. "You see, Hiro, if you really want to be a meister, if it's really right for you, there's a weapon out there somewhere that's gotta be compatible. If not, there has to be other things you enjoy. You sure move like a dancer a lot, maybe you could try that."
He offered a soft shrug in response. "Clearly I'm not meant to be a meister though. I'm 'the worst meister', after all. I'm only good for running your errands and tripping over my own feet, huh?"
A slight wave of guilt hit her, but she shrugged it off. It was stupid to feel bad for that. Sure, she'd happily joined the band wagon on hammering in his general uselessness, and lord knows she had been hard on him after that ridiculous 'Hiro the Brave' fiasco. Why not? He'd been a complete pervert and beyond jackassery. It wasn't even like it was her actions alone that deflated his ego so completely.
"Kids like to tease. You know why?" He once again arched an eyebrow as Jackie leaned in to whisper. "They're jealous. They're jealous so they drag you down and crush you into the dirt until they no longer have reason to be jealous, then keep you down there to keep their own stupid egos burning."

After a moment, she drew away.
"Why would they be jealous of me?"
She thought for a moment. "You're attractive, you have a nice body, graceful, you can take a lot of shit before you fall to shit...resilience, that's the word. Just..." Her eyes went back to his arms once more. "Just don't hurt yourself any more, okay?"
He followed her gaze and sighed. "Why bother?"
At that point, Jacqueline just swallowed her pride and took his hands. "Listen, Hiro, I don't want to see another kid die because of bullshit feelings that just want to eat away at who you are. You're more than these feelings and believe it or not, right now I care about you." Much to his surprise, she drew him into a hug. "I care and I don't want you to hate yourself. I want you to love yourself like I love you."
"Like you...?"
She wasn't completely aware of what she was saying by that point, just letting her soul spill out to this annoying yet undoubtedly attractive boy. Really, her mind was simply thrown back to unpleasant memories of the past. Another close person she had lost to depression. "I'd stay up with you all night if it might help." At this point she released his hands and instead threw her arms around him, eyes shut tight. "No-one deserves to feel like this and you don't have to be alone, okay? Just...just please don't hurt yourself like this any more. Please don't take it any farther. Just...just stay the you you've always been. The you I like. The clumsy, stupid, meek as hell you that actually seems endearing and sweet, before we ever knew you had a dark side. Just be him and...be okay. I'd love nothing more than for you to be okay."

There was a painfully long silence. Eventually, he responded with naught but a slight nod. Jackie pulled back with a sigh. "I found your bag, by the way, Hiro...would you, um, like to crash with me and Kim tonight? Just so you aren't alone?"
He held himself back from replying too eagerly, again just giving a slight nod. Just that little bit of kindness was helping him feel a bit better, and from her after all.

God, how he loved her...