This journal is the personal belonging of Kamizuru Kankurou. It is not for your eyes. It is not for his therapist's eyes. It isn't even his own eyes. Gaara, if you dare pick this up, I don't care if you're Gaara, I'll kill you.
Today my journal is supposed to talk a little more in depth about Kichona and Tanto. My brother is beside me as I write this, applying some ointment to the bruises and rope burns on my neck and the more recent marks on my arms. I never thought he could be this gentle and caring, even though I'm sure I've seen him like this before. When he came in with the ointment, I just stared at him. I'd thought he'd already gone back to Suna. They needed their Kazekage after all. Then again, he was supposed to stay until the 15th had been and gone. It's the 12th today, so he's staying. He'd offered it to me with a kind smile and I'd smiled in response. I love my ototo, I really do. At least he was able to be saved from how bad I'd helped to fuck him up. I'd jolted away from his touch by instinct-my neck was very tender after my, uhm, accident-and I have to admit I felt pretty guilty. He told me to think nothing of it, his smile never wavering. Part of me wanted to lay my head on his shoulder again. I'd not had that kind of comfort since the last time I'd tried to commit, and it helped. It helped make me calm and feel like things were less crushing and unpleasant. Gaara and Temari are capable of making me feel alive once again. My siblings have a power to lift my heart, and even if it is only brief, it makes me feel worthwhile.
The doctor has given an ultimatum. I can either be cared for by one of my siblings or go to a specialised psychiatric hospital in Kumo, where I'll likely never see my siblings until I'm deemed stable enough to re-enter society. Much as I'd loath to burden either one of them, it wouldn't only crush me to be moved away and locked up, but them as well. We wouldn't be able to visit each other. Temari and I have agreed that I'll move to the Nara compound as soon as I'm physically stable.
So what am I supposed to say next?
I have to write about Kichona, but if I do I'll probably burst into tears in front of my ototo.
Okay, well, backstory. Shortly after coming to Iwa, I was an outsider, had no friends, felt pretty awkward around the others. No matter how trustworthy I become, I'll always be the outsider. Ohnoki retired and Kurotsuchi was named the 4th Tsuchikage, though she was five or so months along. She didn't care, she accepted with grace. I'd stood by her, and gone to these awkward little prenatal class things. There I guess I made my first friends. They were called Hiro and Kasumi. I guess I just clung to them because I was sick of being different, and they reminded me of people I used to know once upon a time. We had our son, Tanto, and Kasumi had a son as well, named Sukochi.
Sukochi was pretty curious as a kid. He was pretty much obsessed with the puppeteer jutsu. Begged me to teach him, and I guess I only said yes because I was teaching Tanto and they were best friends. One day he even turned up with a puppet, Hanabi, that he claimed he made himself. Clearly a lie, but I didn't press it. Oh, I should have, but I didn't. I made assumptions. I assumed his mother got it for him, and he was just proud and boastful.
Over the years, they blossomed. Confident, skilled, Sukochi the shinobi, teaching other genin in the very art I had taught him, and my son, who had no wish to be a ninja. He preferred to stay home, entertaining his baby sister with puppet shows. He wanted to be a performer when he grew up. He was an angel, and Kichona, now seven years of age, was gentle and kind. She liked to help me with all the chores, draw pictures and, um, decorate my puppets. I'd had to remove the poison from them because she wouldn't stop trying to play with them. She would decorate their faces with crayons, style their hair, use Kuroari as a playhouse and Karasu as a cuddle buddy. She had plenty of soft toys and dolls, but she preferred the puppets.
Kichona-chan never liked Sukochi. She thought he was nasty. I'm beginning to think she had some form of sixth sense on him. When she saw him during a festival she even burst into tears (which was actually amusing-she'd asked me to put some face paint on her and it was running everywhere). I loved her so much...
Great, I started crying. Gaara's withdrawn his hands, probably worried he hurt me. Well, his touch on the bruises did smart a little, but that's beyond the point.
I've decided to go with leaning against him for comfort's sake and warn him not to read what I'm writing. He's accepted it without bother.
Okay, so, Kichona's death. That's what I'm talking about here, unfortunately. Tanto had Sukochi round for the day, and I was annoyed with Kichona for playing with Sasori (it's someone's remains, after all, she should have some respect!) and I shouted at her. She threw a tantrum and I put her in her room. The best thing to do with a tantruming child is bring them to their room and just leave them. Tanto had gone to get something from his room to show his friend, so Sukochi had thought it would be the perfect time to go into my room.
It turned out the little shit was a thief. Whoever had made Hanabi had been visited by a younger Sukochi and most likely killed. The brat left no ends untied. So I'd been head of the Puppet Corps of Suna for a little bit, so Sukochi deemed me someone very worthy to steal from.
I foiled that attempt. I'd walked in, actually caught the little shit trying to transfer Sasori into a scroll and grabbed him by the scruff of the neck. "You're not supposed to be in here, and you're not supposed to take what isn't yours." That was all I'd said before throwing him out. Tanto followed him, although he was actually quite annoyed with what his friend had attempted. They'd gone down to a nearby river and that was where they had found my third student, Tokageroh.
The kid had been half-drowned, washed violently down the river and stabbed viciously in the back. He had nowhere to go and I wasn't about to let some sick, injured kid just go out on the streets. I may not like kids, especially not bratty teens, but I'm not heartless. I taught the three of them to fight and defend themselves, in case they should ever need that knowledge. That went on for a few days, and during that time, Sukochi saw my fighting style, gauged my strengths and weaknesses.
Kichona didn't like it. She would watch us every time and tell me to be careful, and insist she was protecting me. It was so cute.
One night, I'd put Kichona to bed as normal. I wasn't aware, but Tanto sneaked out to see his girlfriend. I wasn't even aware he had a girlfriend, but apparently he met her during the last meeting of the Five Kage, in Konoha. My last words to her were that I'd leave Karasu to watch over her, ensure no monsters would come from the closet and get her. I'd gone to bed and fallen asleep with no problems.
Some point past midnight, the little shit broke through Kichona's bedroom window (on the 8th floor of the apartment complex, so he's crazy, I'm sure of it), collected Karasu in a scroll and slit Kichona's throat while she slept. Then, he came into my room, collected the scrolls containing my other main puppets and held two kunai out. One to my throat, the other poised to sink into my stomach. I'm not sure when I woke up, became aware, but it was before he struck. My eyes flew open and I attached a chakra string to the kunai pressed to my throat, ripping it from the boy's grip and sending it across the room as the other was plunged deep into my belly. Let me tell you now, that shit hurt like crazy. He withdrew the kunai and tried to deal out another hit, this time aiming for my chest. I grabbed his wrist, keeping him at bay. I may have suffered starvation damage in the past and lost my larger levels of strength, but I could still keep a 14-year-old at bay even through that pain. Well, I didn't feel it with the adrenaline rush there and then, but the struggle carried on until the blood loss became too much and the pain increased. I think I managed to divert his aim down a little, making it another blow to the stomach rather than the chest. I swear I could feel my innards trying to come out, like he'd severed an intestine...it was agony. I didn't think I could move. I'm not sure how I ever did manage to move, let alone fight again. I was completely and blissfully unaware of Kichona's demise, though.
I think what drove me to get up and get out there was the sound of footsteps. Tokageroh had been awoken by something, possibly the sound of breaking glass, and found Sukochi fleeing. He was unaware of my injuries and Kichona's, but he spoke of giving chase alongside Tanto.
Unarmed, against my puppets in the hands of an experienced killer.
Both of them with no shinobi training, nothing proper. I forced myself out of the bed, clutching my stomach tight, trying to will it to stop bleeding. At some point Sukochi added his own poison to my puppets, because when I found the boys, joined at that point by my nephew Shikadai (we were closer to Konoha than I thought possible) Tanto had been poisoned via a wound to his neck. He'd reclaimed Kuroari by that point, using him to battle the little bastard that used to be his friend. He'd tried to strike a killing blow on all three boys with Karasu, and I didn't think, just threw myself in front of them, in the way of the blade, attached my own chakra strings, pulled the puppet back, passed out...
When I was in hospital, recovering from my quite frankly horrific wounds, a neighbour from Iwa announced he had found Kichona's body.
I'd returned to Iwa at once, not fully recovered, and found it to be true. My little girl lay lifeless, skin grey-pale and cold, throat gaping wide open...and I screamed. I held her close and cried. My little girl...
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