Quiet Summer

Some relationships were best kept secret from others. One such was the relationship I had with my work partner, Tobi. It was a bit of a love-hate relationship. He was annoying and ground on my nerves almost all the time, but at the same time, it was as though Tobi was the only one who really got me, you know? He teased me, sure, but it was all in good faith, I'm sure, because on the other side he really did love me. He was so caring and gentle, yet rough when he really got into things. He wanted to have fun, yet he wanted to protect me.

It was a Sunday morning. I'd been feeling a bit off lately. I got up, kicked off the covers and grabbed my cloak, but there was some unholy ache in the pit of my stomach. I sat down as I dressed, wondering what it could be. It was a peculiar feeling, as though something was there when it shouldn't have been, like when you are walking and step on something, and it gets stuck in your foot, or when you have a splinter in your thumb and you can't dig it out. You can feel it there but you can't do anything about it, and it hurts but you just have to put up with it. Grumpily, I made my way out to where the others were gathered, eating breakfast. I hadn't been eating well lately as I was ill, but still my appetite was low and I didn't really want much. I couldn't even finish a small bowl of porridge without feeling sick and the pain getting worse. I had to admit I was in such a bad mood there and then.

Throughout the day, my temper flared. Despite being the youngest on the team I shouted out so many times, hitting out. I wanted to be alone, but as the day progressed and I go angrier people started to lose their own patience and ask what was up. Finally, Konan came into my room just in time to see me rip the head off of one of my clay birds. It was absolutely awful quality thanks to the waxing and waning pain in my gut. I needed to redo the entire thing. She stood before me, unamused, arms crossed, and it took me a moment to realise anyone had come in at all, I was so preoccupied with my art. When I did notice, I slowly looked up and inched my feet off the bed, to the floor, as she addressed me.
"You're having a problem." She stated simply as I stood.
"It's nothing."
"It's effecting your abilities to work within the Akatsuki."
"No, I...It's just a stomach ache, un."
She looked me over for a moment before rolling her eyes. "You realise that even if your attitude wasn't worse than normal, your hands are a fair giveaway anyway. You're either clenching fists or digging your nails into something."
My hands sprung away from my cloak, as though desperate to disprove her point. Half an hour later, we were walking down a narrow path, cloaks back in base. At the end of this road lived a woman who called herself Witch Doctor, or Majikisha. A specialist in all sorts of maladies and mishaps. She was the nearest expert who would be willing to see known members of the Akatsuki. Konan was made to wait outside while Majikisha pulled me into her 'office'. It was more a weird little wooden room with a hammock in one corner and various shelves and boxes of bottled and tubed items across the rest of the walls. I was forced to lay down in the hammock while she asked stupid questions about what it felt like and how bad it was and how long I'd had it for. She then smeared some strange purple stuff on my belly, which numbed the pain a little.
"I take it you are a homosexual." She suddenly stated matter-of-factly. I sat up with a scowl.
"No!"
"Bisexual then? Well, we could run through the list of every sexuality on record, or we could get down to things. No matter what your particular...preferences, you have had sexual intercourse not too long ago with a man."
I lay back and shook my head, scowl darkening.
"There's no reason to be ashamed." She scolded, rolling her eyes. "It doesn't make you any less of a person...You have had successful dealings against the tailed beasts as well, I believe. Plenty of victories." She pulled a heavy-looking volume from one of the shelves, opened it to a certain page and blew away the dust. Her finger trailed curiously down the images and words until she found the right section. "You see, if two men have had successful dealings with certain legendary creatures, such as the tailed beasts, it is possible for them to conceive together. There are various ideas why this might be. The writer of this book believes it is because of their Chakra. Personally, I believe it is a gift they bestow and only those who deep inside want a child may use this gift. There are no certainties. Heck, there have only been three recorded cases in all of history. A very rare and rather unpleasant affliction, so I hear."
I got up then. She asked where I was going.
"Away from here, un." I answered firmly as I left the messy little room. "Crazy old lady..."

Konan of course asked what the verdict was. I lied. Well, on that note, I didn't believe what I'd been told by that point, I thought. It was ridiculous, after all. It made even less sense than the notion that Kisame and Hidan could ever be an item, and that was already an idea that made a total of no sense.

Not entirely sure where my mind was taking me, I returned to my room, oddly tired. I didn't sleep for long, and I'm pretty sure when I woke up, Tobi was hiding under my bed, but I let him stay there. I didn't want to have to bother with the stress of trying to get him out and making him stay out. I lay still, pretending to still be asleep. Everything around me seemed silent and stationary, as though the entire building were empty. I lay there for hours, letting my thoughts collect. I remember at some point during the night Tobi wormed his way under my covers and cuddled up to me, and I just couldn't care less as my mind was elsewhere. I may have even reacted a little without realising, playing with his hair or hugging him back.

The thing about men is they don't really have the parts to grow a child, you understand. There's no space in there for an embryo to develop, so how does it even work? In my experience, it forces space for itself. I guess that's why the old hag said it was unpleasant. I could feel where it pushed and moved even in those early stages, because it wasn't meant to be there. It was forcing my organs out of place, shifting fat and muscle around to make itself a comfortable little nesting ground ready for the world outside. All things considered, I couldn't deny what was happening forever.

I remember one night just deciding to leave. I mean, I wouldn't be any use to the team in this condition, and who knew what people like Kakuzu would do if they found out? I wasn't about to get sold off. Bag on my back and cloak left where I'd slept, I walked away, thinking that this was probably a bad idea. On the one hand, they could protect me if my condition prevented me from fighting, but on the other, they could be the ones I'd have to fight.

It didn't take long for my supplies to run out. The nausea from the pain was wearing off and getting replaced with a deep set hunger I couldn't seem to shake. Now I think back on it, I think it was cravings going wild. There was a village nearby to spend money in for rooms and meals, but once the money ran out I had to move on. I tried to keep my face and my arms hidden, and as I gained weight I guess I didn't mind people mistaking my gender any more...it made things a lot less embarrassing for people to think I was a pregnant woman...at least I kept my face hidden, and I tried to avoid contact with people...

Fights were inevitable, of course. I was an unfit thief in lands protected from my kind, and escape without conflict was pretty much impossible. Leaning against a tree, I took deep breaths, trying to get my breath back. I don't think I'd ever hated running as much as I did there and then. I was feeling pretty sick now and all.

It was a summer evening, the sun setting in the distance, a beautiful and fleeting view. Soon it would be dark and I would have to find somewhere to camp up and get some rest. Heaving a sigh, I went to walk on when a wrenching pain shot through my stomach. I hadn't been hit there, I was certain. I'd clearly been in a fight not too long ago, evident in the odd bruise and my broken and bloody nose. I clutched at my belly, digging my nails in as though I could take hold of the pain and remove it. What was this?

I stepped out, only to see others approaching. I recognised them, I think, but my mind was fuzzy. I went back to hiding behind the tree, trying to hide, trying to prevent myself from making any noise. That lasted for a good two seconds before another wave of pain drove me to empty my stomach over the forest floor. It felt like my legs were going to give out, my whole body was shaking. I just didn't understand what was going on, but it was agonising...

And then I heard a voice calling. Those kids not too far away, calling to know who was there. When I gave no response, there came a threat. A 'show yourself or else'. I took a moment to wipe my mouth and compose myself, waiting for the pain to fade away before stepping out. Hopefully I hadn't missed anything. Fighting stances all around. If they recognised me as a member of the Akatsuki, there wouldn't be much I could do to defend myself or my child. I put my hands together, meeting their glares with my own. "Stay back." I warned, reaching for my clay. "You don't know what you're dealing with, un."
"Are there any more of you?" Asked one of them. A dark-haired boy who clearly meant business. I was pretty certain both answers would get me in trouble. I couldn't even stay standing that much longer in the state I was in.
"We're not afraid to fight, un." I warned, deciding not to exactly say, but at least suggest I had backup.

That was when my body gave up and I ended up on the floor. I felt like my head was going to burst. My vision clouded with tears I was unaware I was crying. My nails found the mud beneath me, raking large welts in the ground as the others came closer. They were talking, but I wasn't listening. Something about 'don't attack'
'He needs help'
'He's in no state to fight'
'He has people to help him when he needs it.'
'But then he'll get away'
'We can't just leave him here'
'We'll take him to the village. Patient and prisoner.'
I felt them take my bag away from me and their hands as they tried to heave me up. Everything blurred together but at the same time took an eternity. I hardly remember it. Being put on a bed, watching them try and figure it out, seeing the same book I'd seen in Magikisha's office, hearing them speak, say that of three recorded cases there were no survivors of the birthing process, including the children...I don't think I can explain how it felt to be in that situation. I heard them say to hold me down, and that it would be hard to save us past this point, felt the hands close around my wrists and ankles and though my mind was screaming not to struggle, the pain drove my limbs to pull anyway. They were going to cut in and take the baby out. I knew that from the moment they found the book, but it still didn't prepare that.

Even though it still hurt, I felt oddly calm and relaxed when I heard the cries of the child. It was alive. They took it away. Too small, too weak, too sick...I wanted to see her. I wanted to see my child.

I think I must have passed out at some point. When I awoke, I was shackled to the headboard of the bed. I must have been given some heavy-duty painkillers, because I could hardly feel a thing and my tongues just felt like lead weights in my mouths. I barely remembered where I was and I felt so tired I could barely keep my eyes open. I'd been changed out of my filthy, torn clothes and into something thin that fit me perfectly and made my skin itchy. There were a few lights on, and on the other side of the room, two men were watching me with nervous eyes. Assigned guard duty. I made sure to give them a glare, laughing a little internally at their frightened reactions. I wanted my child. I wanted to go home. My eyes were drawn to a window. I wanted Tobi...

I think I was there in that bed a week at the least, drifting in and out of consciousness. Slowly, the painkillers were reduced and I found myself able to speak and see and move properly. I was certainly thankful for that, especially when one night I woke up to find someone leaning over me. I snapped up the palm of my free hand, catching them in the jaw. They fell back with a grunt and I sat up. The cuff chains rattled as I pulled at them, trying to raise my hands to protect myself. The next thing I knew, a gloved hand covered my hand.
"Deidara-senpai, it's me!" Someone called in a whisper shout. My eyes adjusted to the darkness and I realised Tobi was stood before me. He stepped back, and behind him I saw the guards. Both dead, or at least heavily injured. "Oh senpai, I've been so worried! You've been gone for months! I was looking for you. I'm glad I've found you now though. I'm going to bring you home, come on!"
"T-Tobi...Tobi, un..." I pulled at the shackles again, biting my lip. "I-I can't..."
His hands were at my wrist then, helping free me of the shackles and then helping me stand. My legs almost gave out again, just refusing to support me. I leant heavily on my partner as he helped me out of the room, careful not to rub on my stitches. "Th-the baby..." I managed, trying to dig my heels in as he tried to get me out the front door.
"Baby?"
"The baby, our baby, un." I pointed back inside, to the door I'd seen them take it through. "I had a baby..."
Tobi was silent for a moment, just looking at me. I could tell he thought I was delusional.
"I'm not leaving without it." I warned, managing to get my feet under me and head back in. He hesitated before following me.
"Deidara, wait!"
I pushed my way through the door and tried to figure out where they could have taken it. We must have spent another half hour in there, me weak but determined, him trying to support me and get me to drop this ridiculous search, but finally we found it.

Her. A small, scrawny, pale thing, awake and alert, being watched over by two people at all times. A tuft of dark hair was present atop her head, and two little mouths on her palms. She wasn't well, but she wasn't dying. Tobi handed me back my clay and we stepped in. All we wanted was the child, and by the end of the night we would have her, treatments and all if we had to take them. I might even take the book with me to help explain this to everyone. The child was very quiet as we walked home, just snuggling into that familiar smell. I wasn't properly recovered yet, it was a long journey back to whence we came even if I wasn't slowing us down. Our girl was definitely ours. It was obvious. We kept her warm and had to take a lot of rests, and along the way we decided she would be our Shizuka. The quiet, summer-born daughter. Her eyes were a bright blue, just like mine.

Tobi has her at the moment, while I write this up. He seems quite good with her. I've just about recovered now, at least. I think we all have.