Sometimes, the young man would take a simple look at his life and wonder how he ever ended up there. It had started from an early age, from when his parents began to shun him out of fear that he might not have any useful ability to speak of. From when he felt like another person that simply was not good enough. From his struggles in school, to the year he'd had his first child. He'd been young at the time, and had believed, like an idiot, that that relationship would last forever.
It lasted a couple of weeks after the birth of their daughter, their twins, and then she'd left him with the babies and his absolutely furious parents. And once again, Jeremiah Strit was just not good enough. And from that point on, for nearly three years, he'd been unwilling to form a relationship with another woman, treating it all as a game. Fun. Sleep around, never catch feelings, and the next woman's baby just isn't his problem.
So how did he end up here? New Years, 18 years old, staying with a girl named Dianna because he was sick of being with his family and just feeling so...inadequate. Not up to their standards. A failure. He was lying on a mattress on the floor, and he didn't know where the bed had gone. One daughter was curled up under his arm, the other bawling inconsolably over a broken toy, his stomach growling in hunger because Dianna had spent the last of their money on lord only knew what again and tears rolling down his cheeks because he couldn't deal with this any more. He wanted to go home.
He wanted to go home!
But he couldn't. Because his parents didn't want him home. And because Dianna was pregnant. Of course she was. Of course he would get himself into that kind of mess again. This wasn't even his second child and he just never learnt. Only this time he'd been hoping he could actually have a working relationship again. No such luck.
For the time being, he could live with Dianna. She was lovely, if a little bit terrible at handling money. It was the place itself that was the problem. And the fact that his girlfriend had spent their money on something she wouldn't even tell him about and never let him have any control over the spending, and was so god damn jealous and possessive all the time and even tried to keep him from talking to his friends and hated him working at the same place as another female because she was so psychotic and insecure and honestly, why was he with this woman?
Because she took all the money either of them made and because he had nowhere else to go. So he put up with the crazy stuff she did because the last girl he'd been in a relationship with had been crazy as well so maybe that was just how girls were in a long term relationship. Besides, she was always lovely to the twins and she was absolutely gorgeous and she offered to let him stay in her house when he fell out with his parents, so did he really have a right to complain?
May 14th, exactly one month before his 19th birthday, Ruelle Strit was born. She was premature and seriously ill, and Jeremiah forgot the exact things he was told, but he was pretty sure the lady at the hospital telling him and Dianna about what was wrong with the baby was suggesting Dianna had been taking drugs during her pregnancy or something.
They'd argued about that. They'd argued because Jeremiah had spoken to the female staff and Dianna didn't like it. They argued every single time he went back to visit Ruelle because that woman always accused him of cheating if he ever so much as looked at another human female, no matter how little sense the accusation made. Then again, she did know he slept around, and she did know Ruelle was his seventh child. It was his own fault if she was especially suspicious.
It wasn't crazy.
But by the time Ruelle was home, the arguing had gotten so bad that Jeremiah just walked out. He took his twins and left, and that night managed to secure a shelter staying at a friend's house and sleeping on his sofa. The next morning, Jeremiah, the twins, and his friend, Caius, went back to Dianna's house, because he had calmed down and hopefully so had she. Caius pretty much just tagged along because he wanted to talk about everything he'd just learnt about power tools from another mutual friend of theirs.
When they got to the house, they could hear Ruelle crying, and Jeremiah discovered he'd forgotten his keys. After a good hour and a half of knocking and calling to Dianna to let them in, because surely if Ruelle was there, Dianna had to be there as well, and trying to apologise through the door, Caius helpfully decided that Dianna wasn't home and the baby was home alone, and he very casually broke the front door window pane and let them all in.
The house was a mess. As empty as before, but with rubbish on the floor and a suspicious and kind of gross smell in the air that for some reason just filled Jeremiah's little heart with dread. He told the twins to wait by the front door and the two adults ventured into the house, calling Dianna's name until Caius let out a shrill scream. The girliest scream Jeremiah had ever heard. And the others came running and they found her.
And she was dead, lying on the floor in a puddle of her own vomit. And she was dead. And it looked like she had taken something and she was dead and she might have killed herself and she was dead and she'd been lying there for a day as if she'd died just after he'd walked out and she was dead and he'd never seen a dead person before and SHE WAS DEAD.
He was ashamed to admit that upon discovering the body, he'd thrown up on the spot and started crying.
Because she took all the money either of them made and because he had nowhere else to go. So he put up with the crazy stuff she did because the last girl he'd been in a relationship with had been crazy as well so maybe that was just how girls were in a long term relationship. Besides, she was always lovely to the twins and she was absolutely gorgeous and she offered to let him stay in her house when he fell out with his parents, so did he really have a right to complain?
May 14th, exactly one month before his 19th birthday, Ruelle Strit was born. She was premature and seriously ill, and Jeremiah forgot the exact things he was told, but he was pretty sure the lady at the hospital telling him and Dianna about what was wrong with the baby was suggesting Dianna had been taking drugs during her pregnancy or something.
They'd argued about that. They'd argued because Jeremiah had spoken to the female staff and Dianna didn't like it. They argued every single time he went back to visit Ruelle because that woman always accused him of cheating if he ever so much as looked at another human female, no matter how little sense the accusation made. Then again, she did know he slept around, and she did know Ruelle was his seventh child. It was his own fault if she was especially suspicious.
It wasn't crazy.
But by the time Ruelle was home, the arguing had gotten so bad that Jeremiah just walked out. He took his twins and left, and that night managed to secure a shelter staying at a friend's house and sleeping on his sofa. The next morning, Jeremiah, the twins, and his friend, Caius, went back to Dianna's house, because he had calmed down and hopefully so had she. Caius pretty much just tagged along because he wanted to talk about everything he'd just learnt about power tools from another mutual friend of theirs.
When they got to the house, they could hear Ruelle crying, and Jeremiah discovered he'd forgotten his keys. After a good hour and a half of knocking and calling to Dianna to let them in, because surely if Ruelle was there, Dianna had to be there as well, and trying to apologise through the door, Caius helpfully decided that Dianna wasn't home and the baby was home alone, and he very casually broke the front door window pane and let them all in.
The house was a mess. As empty as before, but with rubbish on the floor and a suspicious and kind of gross smell in the air that for some reason just filled Jeremiah's little heart with dread. He told the twins to wait by the front door and the two adults ventured into the house, calling Dianna's name until Caius let out a shrill scream. The girliest scream Jeremiah had ever heard. And the others came running and they found her.
And she was dead, lying on the floor in a puddle of her own vomit. And she was dead. And it looked like she had taken something and she was dead and she might have killed herself and she was dead and she'd been lying there for a day as if she'd died just after he'd walked out and she was dead and he'd never seen a dead person before and SHE WAS DEAD.
He was ashamed to admit that upon discovering the body, he'd thrown up on the spot and started crying.
And how...just how did he find himself here?
Home. Stood on the doorstep, hand raised to knock, Savannah clinging to his belt, Ophelia stood on his other side, baby Ruelle in a baby sling across his chest, and too scared to knock because he was just going to get lectured and rejected and told his life was over, just like the last time he'd come home with a baby. He'd considered going elsewhere first. To his half-siblings, rather than to other friends, but Azriel and Galilah's work was dangerous and kept them from home a lot, so it was so hard to actually find them and ask and in the end he just gave up, and Raphael was far too ill to take in his half-brother and two or three nieces at the time. So what bloody choice did he have?
He lowered his arm, ran his hand over Savannah's head and turned to leave, promising they'd do something nice, maybe try and find Uncle Azriel again, and the front door opened behind him.
"Jer...?"
He glanced over his shoulder. One of his younger brothers was stood on the doorstep, evidently about to go out somewhere. Dressed up nicely. His hair had grown longer since they'd last seen each other and he definitely needed it cut.
"...Chaim..."
"Were you here to visit or just stare at the beautiful architecture and leave?"
Savannah broke away from her father, running to her uncle with a squeal of delight. Jeremiah reluctantly turned and walked back to the doorstep.
"Wait." He muttered when he drew closer to his little brother, who had now lifted his toddler niece up for a hug. "...Since when were you taller than me?"
"Uh...since puberty?" He stepped aside to let Jeremiah in. "You look like utter shit."
"I feel like it. I caught some kind of hell cold off one of my friends and then I went to see Raph and I didn't realise he was in hospital."
"Oh, yeah, that...he's not dying though, it'll be fine."
"Define fine."
"Not dead."
He didn't really have a response to that, but he didn't have enough time to struggle to find one either.
"Chaim!" A woman's voice called. "Who're you talking to, sweetheart?"
"Don't call me that, mum, we've had this talk!"
Their mother came out of the kitchen and a strange expression came over her face when she spotted her elder son. And then she smiled, hurried forward with her arms out and stopped short of embracing him. "Jeremiah! Goodness, it has been so long! Where have you been? Why haven't you called? It's been months and months and the only reason I didn't call the police was because Raph said you'd gone off with another girl and is that a baby? Have you been sleeping around again? Because I was hoping you'd be able to settle down for once but you never do, do you? You always have to just have your wicked way and leave, never mind the consequences. I mean, you've never been one to mind the consequences, a caution-to-the-wind type, you are, and lord knows what kind of influence you'll have on your siblings. Honestly, I think the problem is partly Galilah's own influence on you, your sister wasn't very sensible either and you seem to have taken after her but worse. Are you here to show off your new accident or are you staying for dinner or are you moving back in? Maybe you should stay, you don't look well. You haven't been eating right, have you? Typical. You-"
"Mum!" Jeremiah cut her off with a sob. Somewhere in her tirade, he'd started crying, and she hadn't noticed. She wasn't good at noticing things. She was the kind of person who talked and talked and talked without leaving a single breath for anyone to even think of replying, and the type who struggled to listen or notice anything important, and now her son, her least-favourite son, was sobbing in front of her. He felt Chaim's hand on his shoulder, heard him calling his name, and Ophelia's little call of 'Daddy?' sounding near tears herself and he started bawling. And everything he tried to say next, about what had happened with Dianna, about how he just wanted her to appreciate him and stop wishing he was better than he was, about how he was afraid and depressed and confused and how he had no idea what he was supposed to do anymore, it all came out in a mess, made unintelligible by his tears and the tightness in his throat.
And at some point he'd been moved to the sofa and sat down with tea and handed a box of tissues, and his children had been taken to another room while his youngest sister, Rebecca, sat next to him and poked him repeatedly and asked him personal and annoying questions that he didn't bother to answer. He could smell his dad cooking in the kitchen, and his mother had insisted he stay whether he like it or not and at this point he knew. There was no way around it. He was a worthless failure and was never going to go anywhere in life. He'd disappointed his family, he'd let them all down and he'd now ruined their day. Well, Rebecca seemed happy to see him, but otherwise the general feel was pretty sour.
It was times like these that Jeremiah believed this was where his life would be at its absolute best. That he'd never get a lucky break. But that was okay, because he'd always have some reason to ask himself how he'd ever ended up in this mess.
"Wait." He muttered when he drew closer to his little brother, who had now lifted his toddler niece up for a hug. "...Since when were you taller than me?"
"Uh...since puberty?" He stepped aside to let Jeremiah in. "You look like utter shit."
"I feel like it. I caught some kind of hell cold off one of my friends and then I went to see Raph and I didn't realise he was in hospital."
"Oh, yeah, that...he's not dying though, it'll be fine."
"Define fine."
"Not dead."
He didn't really have a response to that, but he didn't have enough time to struggle to find one either.
"Chaim!" A woman's voice called. "Who're you talking to, sweetheart?"
"Don't call me that, mum, we've had this talk!"
Their mother came out of the kitchen and a strange expression came over her face when she spotted her elder son. And then she smiled, hurried forward with her arms out and stopped short of embracing him. "Jeremiah! Goodness, it has been so long! Where have you been? Why haven't you called? It's been months and months and the only reason I didn't call the police was because Raph said you'd gone off with another girl and is that a baby? Have you been sleeping around again? Because I was hoping you'd be able to settle down for once but you never do, do you? You always have to just have your wicked way and leave, never mind the consequences. I mean, you've never been one to mind the consequences, a caution-to-the-wind type, you are, and lord knows what kind of influence you'll have on your siblings. Honestly, I think the problem is partly Galilah's own influence on you, your sister wasn't very sensible either and you seem to have taken after her but worse. Are you here to show off your new accident or are you staying for dinner or are you moving back in? Maybe you should stay, you don't look well. You haven't been eating right, have you? Typical. You-"
"Mum!" Jeremiah cut her off with a sob. Somewhere in her tirade, he'd started crying, and she hadn't noticed. She wasn't good at noticing things. She was the kind of person who talked and talked and talked without leaving a single breath for anyone to even think of replying, and the type who struggled to listen or notice anything important, and now her son, her least-favourite son, was sobbing in front of her. He felt Chaim's hand on his shoulder, heard him calling his name, and Ophelia's little call of 'Daddy?' sounding near tears herself and he started bawling. And everything he tried to say next, about what had happened with Dianna, about how he just wanted her to appreciate him and stop wishing he was better than he was, about how he was afraid and depressed and confused and how he had no idea what he was supposed to do anymore, it all came out in a mess, made unintelligible by his tears and the tightness in his throat.
And at some point he'd been moved to the sofa and sat down with tea and handed a box of tissues, and his children had been taken to another room while his youngest sister, Rebecca, sat next to him and poked him repeatedly and asked him personal and annoying questions that he didn't bother to answer. He could smell his dad cooking in the kitchen, and his mother had insisted he stay whether he like it or not and at this point he knew. There was no way around it. He was a worthless failure and was never going to go anywhere in life. He'd disappointed his family, he'd let them all down and he'd now ruined their day. Well, Rebecca seemed happy to see him, but otherwise the general feel was pretty sour.
It was times like these that Jeremiah believed this was where his life would be at its absolute best. That he'd never get a lucky break. But that was okay, because he'd always have some reason to ask himself how he'd ever ended up in this mess.
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